Golden Sun Hacking Community

Edit: The story will be called "Triple Threat"
So basicly I felt like making an anime/manga type of story. so far all i have is the intro to the story.
(but it's kind of long).
EDIT: also you don't have to read the story, just some help with names and the other stuff listed below.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And what i need advice on is:

character names
name of a U.S. State (for the main character to be from)
and advice for anything in Parenthesis.
and a club name for [unknown 3's] club.
and any thing else you think could use work.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
here is a list of characters:

[Unknown] He is the main character. He is kind of quiet and has no freinds at the start. he's 16 and in 10th grade.
He can be funny at times and is sorta week. and he will put up with just about anything.

[Jenna Matthews] she moved with (Unknown) to Japan. and almost always sits next to him in school. she has never talked to him before and vice versa. she is some what crazy about Anime and manga. she is also loud but very smart.

[Unknown 3] He is the tough but cool type of guy. He hates bullies and has has a club (which needs to be named)

[Unknown 4] she has not appered yet. she is an (no spoilers) with (no spoilers) she has lost her memory because of the (no spoilers). she is kind and has (no spoilers).

[Unknown's mom and dad] They will be called by what ever (unknoens's) last name is.

[Unknown school kid 1] is a nerd and very week. think sterio type nerd. he is also in (Unknown 3's) club.

[Unknown school kid 2] He is the clasic top school bullie. is some what afraid od (Unknown 3). and he has it out for (Unknown).

[Unknown school kid 3] I am not sure what she will be like yet but it will be a girl.

[Teacher 1] She is the kind of teacher that likes her students and will help them with any problem they night have.

These are all the charactors i have planned so far.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And here is the intro story:
[spoiler]
Intro to story
[Main character narrating]   Hi, I'm (unknown). And I'm just a normal school kid in the 21st century. Or at least that's what I thought the day I moved to japan. But that night something crazy happened! But, I think I am getting a head of myself, I guess I should start back at the beginning, before I left the U.S.. It all started when my dad got a job offer in japan, one that would change everyone's life forever!
[Unknown's mom]    Are you going to sleep all day, get up now!!!
[Unknown]         five more minutes, please!
[Unknown's mom]   OK, but you won't get the surprise we have for you. Come down to the living room now if you want it!
*Door slams*
[Unknown]   ....... ...... uggg. .... Fine.
*gets out of bed and goes down stairs*
[Unknown]   OK now what's this surp...
[Unknown's mom and dad)   Surprise!!!!!!
[Unknown]   What's all this? Why is everything packed up?
[Unknown's mom]   your father and I have some good news!
[Unknown's dad]   that's right, go pack your things, were moving to japan!!!
[Unknown]   WWWHHHAAATTT!!!!!!!!!
[main character narrating]   I feel I should explain why, out of the blue I have to move to the other side of the planet. It all started when my dad got a call from some big business owner in japan. He said that he liked my dad's work and asked to the vice president. And as most in my position I just had to ask.
[unknown]   this is some sort of joke right!?
[main character narrating]   but from the way my parents looked at me I knew that it was the truth. And it seemed that we would have to move right away if he wanted the job. And I couldn't complain, my family needs the job. We haven't been able to keep up with the bills and the power has been shut off twice. And it's not like I have any friends at school. So why was I so nervous? And that's when it hit me.
[Unknown]   Wait! I don't speak Japanese!
[main character narrating]   how could I possibly go to school in a country that doesn't speak the same language!
[Unknown's dad]   O don't worry about that, we have you enrolled in a special American school over there. You'll be with others dealing with the same things as you. And I almost forgot, one of your friends from school will be moving with us to. I think her name is (unknown 2).
[Unknown]   who?
[Main character narrating]   That's right I had no clue who (unknown 2) was. I may have talked to her at some point in time, but I didn't have any real friends at school. But now at least I wouldn't be alone.
[Unknown]   so when are we leaving?
[Unknown's mom]   Noon!
[Unknown]   WHAT!
[Main character narrating]   And so began a sequence of events that would lead me to the truth about the world around me, and a secret kept from us all for thousands of years. The secret of the Human race!
------------------------------------------------------
[Main character narrating]    The known date is 10/26/2009. The current leader of the United States is Obama. And the current leader of japan is (insert here). I am flying in a private plane to my new home in, Japan. As I look out the window of the plane which was sent to pick us up and take us to Japan, I can't help but think something is wrong. Is it possible for a billion dollar company, out of nowhere, to hire a poor American business man so suddenly, and make him the vice president of that company? And to have us move at a drop of a hat? I thought "there just has to be a hidden camera around here somewhere".
[Plane inter com]   "DING DONG" This is your plot speaking! We will be landing in Tokyo airport shortly. Please fasten your seat belt and put your food trays in up and locked position. Thank You!
[Unknown]   So, we'll be living in Tokyo?
[Unknown's dad]   Nope, you will be living in a small town in northern Japan with your mother while I will be here working.
[Unknown]   What? So I won't see you for a while? And it will just be me and mom?
[Unknown's mom]   Well... I also got a job and won't be home till very late. You'll be ok won't you?
[Unknown]   Umm, yea I'll be fine, don't worry...
[Unknown's dad]   Well that's good to hear. O, and I almost forgot, (unknown 2) will be living right next door to you so if you need anything you can ask her.
[Main character narrating]   And so I found myself in a position I did not think could happen. But I later found out that this type of thing was quite common in Japan. The next day we finally made it to my new home. And to my surprise it looked a lot like the towns in America. And that's when I ran into (unknown 2). To my surprise she sat next to me in almost every class I had and in high school yet I forgot all about her!
[Unknown 2]   Hey (unknown) how you've been?  What do you think of Japan? How do I look? Read any good manga lately? Did you see that episode of bla bla bla?
[Main character narrating]   And that's when it hit me. She is the girl in the back of class that would always answer the teacher's questions, but still get in trouble for drawing anime characters during class. And I learned that she was more excited about being here then my dad.
[Unknown 2]   I am so excited! I am actually in Japan! The land of the golden sun. Where all my favorite manga and anime is made!
[Main character narrating]   Really excited!
[Unknown]   So have you been to school yet?
[Unknown 2]   yep I got here yesterday so I had school today.
[Unknown]   What! How'd you get here so fast?
[Unknown 2]   Well the night your dad got the call he called my mom up at the same time because she is your dad's secretary, and she got excited and got our stuff all packed up and moved out that night!
[Unknown]   O I didn't know your mom worked for my dad?
[Unknown 2]   What? Doesn't your dad work at home? Your house has two rooms set out as offices! How could you not know?
[Unknown]   Wait what? There were two rooms?
[Unknown 2]   (Wow fail much!!! Hasn't he ever wondered what was in the office??!)
[Unknown]   Well I never had a reason to go in so I just stayed out of the way.
[Unknown 2]   (Now that I think about it he never really talked to me in class. And I have never seen him with any friends....)
*Unknown 2 stares at Unknown*
[Unknown]    Hmm... what is it?
[Unknown 2]   Oh, umm... nothing. I'll see you tomorrow!
[Unknown]   Tomorrow?
[Unknown 2]   At school silly! I'll see you at school! Bye!
[Main character narrating]   I didn't realize it at the time but I had just made my first friend.
--------------------------------------------------------
[Main character narrating]   Hi, my name is (Unknown). I'm 16 and in 10th grade. Today is my first day in school here in Japan. It's an American school for American kids who suddenly had to move to Japan. But I'm still asleep and would have been late if not for.
*unknown 2 hops on unknown's bed*
[Unknown 2]   GOOOOD MORNING!!!!!!!
[Unknown]   WAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Ugg, I'm so tired.
[Unknown 2]   Wake up sleepy head!
[Unknown]   Need sleep. Jet lag sucks.
*unknown 2 pulls unknown off his bead with the sheets*
[Unknown 2]   Get up now! I'm not going to wait for you all day. Do you want to be late for your first day, do you?
[Unknown]   OK I'm up, I'm up! But why did you come and get me???
[Unknown 2]   OK, which way is the school smarty pants!?
[Unknown]   ...
[Unknown 2]    *Grins*
[Unknown]   Touché.
[Unknown 2]   So then I'll go wait for you down stairs, so hurry up and get dressed.
*some time later*
[Unknown]   OK I'm ready.
[Unknown 2]   Alright then, let's go!
[Unknown's mom]   O, good morning (Unknown 2). Did you come to get (Unknown).
[Unknown 2]   Yep, and were leaving right now.
[Unknown's mom]   well you two love birds have fun now.
[Unknown]   Love birds?! MOM that's embarrassing!!!
[Unknown 2]   love birds? ..... HAHAHAHA!
[Unknown's mom]   Honey? Did you think I was serious?
[Unknown]   Well... umm...
[Unknown 2]   HAHA. You're a riot! Well we better go or we'll be late.
[Unknown's mom]   yes, you better hurry you don't want to be late on your first day.
[Main character narrating]   On the walk to school I couldn't think of anything to talk about. I was still embarrassed about what my mom said before we left the house. Luckily for me (Unknown 2) asked a question that got it off my mind.
[Unknown 2]   O, have you ever seen my manga drawings?
[Unknown]   No I don't think I have.
[Unknown 2]   O, ... well I could show you after school!?
[Unknown]   Sure I'd like that.
[Unknown 2]   Well, were here. They told me to send you to the main office on the second floor so don't be late!
[Unknown]   OK. I guess I'll see in class or after school. Well, Later.
*once inside the school*
[Unknown]   So second floor, now where is the office?
[Unknown school kid 1]   NO! Leave me alone! I don't want a swirly!
[Unknown]   Huh??? What's going on???
[Unknown school kid 1]   GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!
*(Unknown) almost gets hit by (Unknown school kid 1)*
[Unknown]   Woa! Who's he running fro...
[Unknown school kid 2]   Get back here you!
[Unknown]   Hey look out you're going to run int...
*(Unknown school kid 2) slams into (Unknown)*
[Unknown school kid 2]   Gaaaa! What did I hit?? Hey who are you??
[Unknown]   O, sorry I'm new.
[Unknown school kid 2]   Hmm? New blood huh? Sounds good. You better watch your back because you just made a big mistake by letting my pray get away.
[Unknown]   New blood, pray! (O great, why did this have to happen on my first day.)
[Unknown school kid 2]   What do you have to say for yourself huh? How are you going to make up for this huh?
[Unknown]   I-I-I-I I'm sorry!
[Unknown school kid 2]   Sorry isn't good enough pal, its hurting time!
*(Unknown school kid 2) gets kicked in the head by (Unknown 3)*
[Unknown school kid 2]   Gaaa!
[Unknown 3]   (Unknown school kid 2), picking on the new kid before he even gets to his first class? That's low even for you!
[Unknown school kid 2]   (Unknown 3)! Not you again!
[Unknown 3]   you should leave before I get mad.
[Unknown school kid 2]   Grrr! Hey kid what's your name!?
[Unknown]   (Unknown).
[Unknown school kid 2]   I'll remember this (Unknown) and you to (Unknown 3).
[Unknown 3]   Yea yea! Just get out of here already!
[Unknown]   Thanks for your help! Umm where is the office!
[Unknown 3]   Hmm? The office? It's down the hall to the left and it should be the 5th door down. O and if you need help with any other bullies just let me know. I'll be in room 202 most of the time.
[Unknown]   O, ok Thanks. O crap I'm going to be late!
*after going to the office*   
[Unknown]         Ok let's see, all my classes will be in, Waa! Room 202!
[Main character narrating]   This is about when I think to myself, "Why does my life feel like an anime today?" Little did I know but it was about to get even weirder!
*In room 202*   
[Teacher 1]   Today class we will be inviting another new student!
[Class]   What another one. I wander who it could be?
[Unknown 2]   O? looks like we will have the same class after all.
[Unknown school kid 1]   (O no! (Unknown school kid 2) has that look in his eyes again!)
[Unknown school kid 2]   Looks like finding him again won't be a problem, he he.
[Unknown 3]   (Hmm? must be him again.)
[Teacher 1]   So I would like you all to welcome (Unknown)! He's from (insert state here) and is in 10th grade!
[Unknown]   Umm... hi. (looks like (Unknown 2) and (Unknown 3) will be in the same class as me. But it looks like (Unknown school kid 2) is also here.)
[Teacher 1]   Ok then. There are two empty seats. One is by (Unknown school kid 2).
[Unknown]   (O crap!)
[Teacher 1]   And the other is next to our other new student (Unknown 2) you can pick whichever one you want.
[Unknown]   Umm, ok. (SAVED!!!!!!)
[Unknown 2]   Hi (Unknown)! Looks like you'll be sitting next to me just like back in (Insert state here)! That's funny don't you think.
[Unknown]   Yea. ("Why does my life feel like an Anime today?")
[Unknown 2]   Did you just say anime?
[Unknown]   Nope. (O yea, it's her fault)
*later toward the end of class*
[Teacher 1]   And now, the leader of the (insert club name here) club would like to make an announcement.
[Unknown]   The (insert club name here) club?
[Unknown 3]   Hi every one. I have decided on a date for the boys camping trip. It will take place in 5 days on Saturday. Since we have so few members we would like to know if anyone else would like to tag along?
[Unknown school kid 2]   How about me!
[Unknown 3]   Umm let me think, NO!
[Unknown school kid 2]   Grrr! Stupid (Unknown 3).
[Unknown 3]   Anyone else?
[Unknown]   (I don't like this. (Unknown school kid 2) is giving me a bad look! If I don't go he will most likely beat me up while (Unknown 3) isn't around. Looks like I have no choice.)
[Main character narrating]   Little did I know that my next answer would change the universe forever!
[Unknown 3]   No one? Well I guess then...
[Unknown]   I'LL GO!!
End of intro to story

[/spoiler]

This is the history of the world. (This is still underconstruction, Dates will be tweeked after reaserch is finnished. Thank You)
[spoiler]
In the future, the universe will need heroes. The year is 30129 AD, and the universe is in its most peaceful period ever. But the why then does this universe need heroes? It's because not everything is as it seems. In this age there is what you could call a "completely corrupt government". This government oversees around 39,600,000,000,000 human beings, but the people are unaware of this fact. And every 2 ½ years around 10 billion of them are killed. Now you may think to yourself, "that's not so bad considering how many people there are and over a period of 2 1/2 years, that sounds like a very low death rate to me". Well, what if I told you that those deaths every 2 ½ years happened all at once. That they were completely wiped out and were held captive their whole life. And what if I said that those 39,600,000,000,000 still think it's before the year 3000. But to understand how things could get this bad you would have to look back in time to the real year 2012.

The Mayans predicted that the world would end on December 21, 2012 at 11:56am. But nothing happened on that day. In fact, the biggest thing to happen that year was before that date. It was a "CME",

Also known as a "Coronal Mass Ejection" (EXPLAIN WHAT A "CME" IS).  Movies had said if one were to hit the earth dead on, it would wipe out all life on earth, but that's not what happened. It had hit earth but nothing happened. It was a "CME" unlike any other because, It didn't even knock out any electricity anywhere on earth. But the earth was not left completely unchanged. Over many years humans slowly got stronger. In the year 2012, the maximum weight a human could lift due to muscle size and bone strength was 2000 pounds, but by the year 2950 human strength increased to lift over 2500 pounds. That was not the only change, over the years children were born with strange colored hair. Some kids would be born with pink or blue hair, but that would soon fade to a normal color. In the year 2999 on New Year's Eve there was an act of terrorism that changed the world forever. The terrorists exploded an experimental radiation bomb over Japan. But it was a failed attack and no one died. But people from Japan to Africa gained powers, ones that a normal person would call super powers. In a way this brought the world together and split it in two all at once.

The powers were many, and those with them started to think they were better than those without. One side of the planet was very strong and ready for war and the other was helpless. In 3012 someone on the powerless side came up with a power balance that would keep the world together.

They would take kids and young teens that were in accidents that had lost limbs and had other problems, and replace them with robotic limbs. These kids would be given training and they would become the army for the powerless side. War would have erupted, if not for one teen who had both -super powers and robotic arms. He became a hero to both sides, and with both sides able to stand up to each other, things settled down.

By the year 3116 every one had powers and the kids with robotic limbs had ether all died from old age or fighting. Also the powers had changed form, kids under the age of ten can't use powers. With this the number of violent young teens went down to almost zero. And the world now united under one nation, found peace. Jump to the year 3320, earth has now colonized two planets other than earth, and are planning to go to a third. In the year 3329, they travel to this third planet and find intelligent life there. They are surprised to find that the inhabitants aren't as far advanced as Earth, and are weaker than we were when we didn't have powers. The human government then tried to take control of their race to lead them. One by one more aliens where found, and each were less advance then hour own.

The year now 3475, we now have ships as fast and big as those captured by U.S. government in the 20s, and those seen by the public. All the ships they found were damaged beyond repair and had little salvaged from them. And with us now having searched almost the whole galaxy we began to wonder if we would ever find them. That's when something unexpected happened, deep in an unexplored part of the Milky Way on the other side of the galaxy we scanned an explosion. But this explosion was bigger than any super nova, and it came from a planet. After a year a human exploration group reached the location. What they found was destroyed planets and ships but no sign of life. It seems that the aliens that have visited us in the past had wiped themselves out in war.

By the year 4500 the powers of the human race had become more defined from each other. And their hair would turn a certain color depending on which power they possessed. And within the powers there were three groups. "Normal", which would have powers that changed the person's strength speed and reflexes, were the most common. Next, there were the "controllers." They could control matter, move water and wind, and make plants grow to their will. Lastly, there were the "creators" who could create and control. They could make fire, electricity, and energy. They were the rarest and most powerful.  There were many powers, and many more to come, but not much more changed with them from then on.

Now the year 5650, tension between aliens and humans had grown to the boiling point, and war is just around the corner. There are more aliens then humans, and they have the same technology at the starting date of the war of 5652. But in just 6 years almost all the aliens have been wiped out with very few causalities on the human side. And with this defeat human kind now ruled the galaxy.

By 5732 human kind had almost completely figured out the universe and how it worked. It would impossible to travel to another galaxy's in one's life time which meant that there wasn't anything left to explore, no discoveries, and nothing new to look forward to. The human race became restless and with their power and differences of opinion a war broke out.

The rich and powerful "creators" and "controllers" have always looked down on the "normals". And a man who would be called by the name "Double Threat" would lead the "normal" against the others for control. The sheer number of "normals" overwhelmed the opposing force and pushed the "creators" and "controllers" into hiding. This war would be called "the real war to end all wars" because it lasted from 5739 to 9427, and is the longest battle ever fought.

One thing that made it last so long was a new power discovered. It was the healing power, which the "Double Threat" used to make himself live forever. He and only he could do this because his power let him copy any persons power and then use it against him. But he could hold onto one power at a time. So when he wasn't fighting he would copy the power of one of the healers on his side. The way he got his name was his power caused his hair turn two colors at the same time, which had never happened before.

On the last day of the war and the last day of the "Double Threats" reign, a 16 year old boy stepped forward to fight him. This boy would be called the "crystal angel" because his hair looked like crystals. And he had a special power rivaled by no one. He had complete and utter control of all light in the universe. Most with power have control over a limited amount of matter and have a limited range. Within one minute the war was over. The boy used his power to kill every member of "Double Threat's" army and "Double Threat" all at once. But sadly, "Crystal Angel" died from the shock his power put on his brain.

Dew to the war, many planets were destroyed and the original earth was as un livable as the surface of the sun. The total population of humanity was around 600,000 and was battered and beaten. Hope for the human race was all but lost and humanity had all but wiped themselves out. They could rebuild and start over but the same thing would just happen again. But then someone found a solution while looking at the history of humanity. It seems that the down fall of the human race started on new year's 2999, because that's when the problems started. And looking back to the 20s they found some interesting science theories one of which is called the "Dyson Sphere". First they created 6600 "Dyson spheres" around 6600 stars. Next they used the resources from inhabitable planets and ones destroyed in the war to make an exact replica of earth at the year 1AD in each sphere, They then came up with a government that would look after humanity from behind the scenes. The system they place in the "Dyson sphere" is called an "Atomic Solar Dematerializing System" or "ASDM" for short.

The first system activated on New Year's 10000, and was populated with 500,000 people. They were given fake memories to play out their roles. This way history will repeat itself, but to make sure things go as planned, "life time actors" will act out people in people mentioned in history. Once the year reaches 3000 the "Dyson sphere" will activate and change it back to 1AD. But in the year 3000 there around 10,000,000,000 people and at the year 1 there are around 500,000, which means many people will die in the process.

But because the creators felt bad about the many deaths on their hands, they decided that if the population of a planet finds out what's going on without any outside help, they would be set free. And only if they could find this out would they be trusted with their own lives and that they wouldn't start another war.
And with that, it brings us back to the year 30129AD.  It has been 20129 years since the start of "ASDM" project and so far only 7 of the 6600 earths have been set free. The last to free themselves became free 10000 years ago. And it seems that the government doesn't want any more to become free because the problems they have caused. And because of this billions die every year without a chance to free themselves. The plan may not have been morally right in the first place and most involved don't think so ether but everyone feels there is no other way to preserve the human race. Humans have come to fear the past that they can't move on.
As well as all the deception by the government, they also put something in the water that blocks powers. They do this because it did not happen before the date 3000 and the fact they fear another "Double Threat" will be born. One problem is that those born with the healing power are immune to the power blocker and are killed when found out. Because their power can heal others to the point where their powers awaken.

Fear of history has caused the death of trillions of lives over the past 20000 years. But like the past, another hero will come and will lead the human race to peace. And maybe this time it will last.
[/spoiler]

If you think its weird to kill people to save the human race... look at the halo story line. they got rid of all life to save all life...

I am sorry if the story is hard to read. its just that i am doing this off my laptop and for some reason it hated this sight so i will fix it so its easyer to read.

Also thank you. I will post the finnished story when it is complete.

--------------------------------------------EDIT--------------------------------------------------------------------
Decided factors:
Not sure if I am using Matthews as a last name any more... So any comments on that are very welcome...
[Unknown 2] = Jenna Matthews ------------------------------------ Credit goes to MegaDarkNero

I beleve that i will make [unknown 2's] name Jenna ( And no, it has nothing to do with golden sun)

And i don't want any of my main charactors to have the same name as the ones in any of the golden sun games.

also i won't tell you why she is named Jenna.

i need some names that sound like they could be from japan since this is an anime/manga.

any and all comments are welcome.

Got any good last names that could be from the U.S. or Japan?

post them here.
thanks.

:Jenna: I need a last name!

I have a few, Zman. Do you want to use these?

For main character: Max Lancer.
For character: Jenna Matthews.
For character 3. Yusuke Kobayashi.

I have a few ideas/pieces of advice now, so I might as well offer them.

1: Since Jenna is an English name, and she is from the US, it might be better to go with an English surname. Jenna Matthews sounds good, what Nero suggested. Even then, immigration or ancestors who migrated could allow for different names that are German, Russian, or even Arabic (to list a few examples). It is your choice in the end, but you still have access to so many other names (unless their ancestors were English).

2: You actually gave us a script which looks like a part of the story, not an introduction to it. The script still explains the story so far, but I just thought that I would let you know for future reference.

3: Why not search for names on the Internet? There are several websites that list names, including what they mean and where they originated. You might as well give it a shot.

MegaDarkNero: wow great name choices! Umm the third one I most likely won't use because i don't know how to say it, lol...

Salanewt: ether way i would have Jenna in the story because some (not all) of the story will be pieces from my real life and the name Jenna has a special meaning to me. (which I will not tell)
Also it is an introduction because knowing the intro does not help you under stand the main story.
it is mainly a back story I made which will help me make the real story. kinda like A trial run on making the story, and for character development.

For Max Lancer as the main character, it sounds cool but many to cool a name for him. Max is a good name for the main character but the last name needs to be a little less cool.

And for Jenna Matthews.... you just earned some respect and a coin. I like, so since i can say it and sounds good i will make it [Unknown main character 2's name] Thanks!

:Jenna: yeah after so long i have a name!

ALSO: What would be the first part/episode will be out soon!
Edit: I have decided I will give more info on the plot as it might help with ideas that others have for me. (and i really need it)

The setting is in a world the same as ours, with the same science and laws of physics. (or so they think)

that is until on a camping trip [Unknown] (aka the main character) see's a shooting star that suddenly turns and crashes to earth.

when he and [Unknown 3] investigate they find a space ship with a completely normal human girl in it.

Only problem is she has natural pink hair which is imposable, or so they think.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't decided if she will lose her memory or not because that will affect the story for about 24 episodes if you were to think about it like an anime. so the problem is i want the hero's (aka people with the name [unknown]) to stay on earth as long as possible. and once they learn about this pink haired girl and where she came from they will have no choice but to leave the earth. or unless i come up with some story as to why they want to stay. (aka something they have to do first)

And one reason i am unwilling to reveal my story completely is because it's good enuff to become an actual anime/manga in the future. And I am in college in an art school so yeah..... I just don't want any one to say its their own. And once it finished I am planning to obtain all rights to it so no one can take it.

Also you might think: WHY THE F***ING HELL WOULD YOU POST IN ON A SITE LIKE THIS!
well thats because I have a very bad problem where i can't think of details on my own. I need some one to ask me a question first or some think like that or it won't work. so things like names of people, places, or things, i would need help on.

And since I am rambling on and on now, one last thing. For any and all ideas i use that are given to me I will always show who came up with what. so i don't plan on stealing ideas, and if this one day becomes a success you who give ideas that I use will be given credit for that part of it.

so yeah i just felt like i should explain some things, and it might be more then i need to say, but i take everything i do seriously. But have a habit of talking/typing to much.............

QuoteUmm the third one I most likely won't use because i don't know how to say it, lol...

I don't know why, it's an easy name to say.

Ugh, I guess I have to tell you how to say it.....

For his first name, it goes a bit like this:
you ske (the 'u' in the 'suke' part is silent, like the 'k' in know)

And his last name is like this:
Just space it out, like ko ba ya shi.

Real people might actually have that name, as I know a guy called Yusuke, and Kobayashi is a common last name like Smith or Jones.

Max Lancer is too 'cool'? Give him a 'normal' last name then, something like Flint or Carter.

by to cool i mean that well..... to me it just sounds like an awsome name, and its to cool for a nerdy kid with no freinds in high school.

but now that i think about it i may give that name to him after all. that or i will give it to the cool kid [Unknown 3]

also if you come up with a good club name for [unknown 3]'s club let me know.

thanks

Thats the last time i ask my freinds that like anime for help on my anime...

First off I don't want to name [Unknown 3]'s club the S.O.S brigade! or the Z Fighters!

Second the main character will not be named: Goku, Naruto, Obama, or Bill ni the science guy!!!!
So please no one post stupid comments like that.

Also I just found out that My story ( The part I have yet to post on this site ) Is exactly like some show called "Fire fly" on the stfy channel! And i have never heard of this crap before!

so it looks like it will take some time before the next part of my story comes out...

QuoteI beleve that i will make [unknown 2's] name Jenna ( And no, it has nothing to do with golden sun)

And i don't want any of my main charactors to have the same name as the ones in any of the golden sun games.

also i won't tell you why she is named Jenna.

i need some names that sound like they could be from japan since this is an anime/manga.

QuoteJenna Matthews.

QuotePretty much everything I've read in this thread.

(http://i955.photobucket.com/albums/ae40/KainUltima/1287889496752.jpg)

Is that supposed to be your sense of humor?

Needs work...

It's not my sense of humor, it's my common sense screaming in pain.

I have decided to call the story "Triple Threat"

so far complete:
sudden move for main charactor (back story script)
story for [Unknown 4] (back story and how she met main charactors, 3 different versions)
world history (history of the story's universe)
name for [Unknown 2] (Thanks goes to MegaDarkNero)
main plot and how the powers work (super powers and how they will affect the main story)

yet to finnish:
episode 1 of main story and the whole rest of that story (which depends on V )
need names for all charactors execpt [Unknown 2]
also need a club for a all boy's club (founded by a kid who hates bullies ([Unknown 4])

If any one reading this has trouble doing so please let me know.

You could name person 3 Kazuya Tokumoto or Yoshio Takawa and school kid three could be called Yuuka Hirakuchi. Yuuka could be the tomboyish kind of girl, who is in crush with Kazuya and great in sports and martial arts. Also the club of Kazuya could be a judo club, where the members can learn how to defend themselves.

Wait?? what..... how did you come up with that.....
hmm i like the idea for the story suronding the school kids.

Also if you could get me a translation for those japanese names (like what meaning they have) that would be great.
I want names that fit the charactors. and i will have japanese names and american names so anything you guys come up with I will take a look at.

also thanks to your post "Sleipnir36" I will spend this week on getting the profile finnished on the side charactors.
Since i have this week off from college with nothing to do.

Kazuya means the peace, the harmony. Toku for virtuous, Moto for basic, ground, origin. Yuuka means exellent, great. Hira flat and Kuchi mouth.

Um... why do we need so many Japanese? Considering most of us aren't Japanese, we might not want to "emulate" their culture, per se... at least you suggested you might be wanting American names... unless your idea takes place on Hawaii this would be rather awkward, considering the large Japanese population in comparison to Americans...

Um... anyways, on actual names...

Names I like:
Joshua
Mike
Lazlo
Thomas
Fletcher

Sarah
Anne
Any form of Mary (like Maria ect.)
Victoria
Lena (or Elaine)

On Japanese names: I rarely use Japanese characters in my work since most take place near where I live, and not a lot of people are Japanese here... names I tend to lean on though are Daisuke, Satoshi, Kouki (male names), and Naomi, Yoko and Yoshi (female names; well... I think the last is actually both ways but I've only known women with that name)

I suck with last names, you're stuck on that note.

Well to answer your question:

the story takes place starting in japan but main characters 1-3 are from the USA.
and they are in an American school in japan for kids who had to move there because their parents. And most likely the teachers would be Japanese.

Also main character 4 will most likely be Japanese.
also to add: I am thinking of this story in terms of an anime.
episode 1 (/chapter 1) will have introduction and reveal the main story which makes it an action and mystery anime.

also in terms of episodes they will be leaving the earth around episode 25.
also another spoiler is that there are 6600 earths but they are set at time differences of 2 1/2 years. so basically it would look like time travel but not really.

It may sound weird but thats because I have not yet posted the main plot and will not for some time for copy right reasons.
I have been researching all types of anime for about a mounth and have watched about 25 new ones. If at all possible I want to turn this into a real manga or anime some day.
And if I do I will metion all involved here.
And if I become insainly rich they might see some money as well. I am not one who takes ideas and calls them his own.

Edit: almost forgot thanks for the meanings. the only Japanese charactor in my story who won't have the meaning of their name match there personalty would be [Unknown 4]. (A.K.A. the 4th main charactor.)

Hm... So they're going to international school? An important note about international schools is that, regardless of the teacher's origin (for example we had Japanese teachers) they will always speak English, and contact with Japanese people (as friends) will not usually occur in the school, but rather the neighbourhood they live in. Because of this, your characters would actually need to be going out of there way to pick up the language, unless they had already taken classes already (for example, since my mom was out of the house more, she actually picked up on more Japanese than my sister or I did, who basically stayed at home or went to international school) - so try to stay away from gratutious Japanese. Also, almost always, international families in Japan will be living in apartments; on work based issues these will probably be company-owned, so the first three friends will probably be living in the same apartment, and the fourth Japanese friend will probably live nearby.

Not with everyone, but some Japanese that don't speak English can be Xenophobic, or will generally not appreciate a shoving of someone else's culture on them. Dunno about the rest of Japan but Hiroshima had few churches for this reason. In addition, they generally do not let foreigners into sacred places.

You need to come up with a reason moreso than "because of their parents". For example, a few people in the Detroit area (like my dad) went over to Hiroshima because Mazda wanted to recruit them temporarily - Mazda is located in Hiroshima after all; it'd be pretty stupid if for example, your character's parents had to also work for Mazda but went to Tokyo or something - so remember to do your research! Also, you're probably not going to be getting people from Alaska or Florida going to Hiroshima for working for Mazda, so make sure your characters come from a logical place too. A lof of people go there for business with working for car companies, so a logical place would be somewhere like Michigan, or really anywhere in the midwest for that matter.

In your case watching anime would not accurately reflect the situation of American students.

I really don't mind posting some pics if you need any sort of reference on tiny stuff like that, like with the apartment structure or anything like that (you're not going to get any information on foreign business-owned apartments from pretty much any anime). But remember, its the tiny details that make the story more realistic.

PS: It's "Character", not "Charactor". :p

thanks.

well As you know I suck at explaining and got banned for a miss understanding (thats they way I feel and lets not get back into that. thats in the past)
so let me try to explain this again....

the town is a town only for americans as is the school.
the reason, its for wealthy americans in business that moved to Japan. and if that said person brought their kid to japan, to make it easyer on the kid would to make a little peice of the U.S. over there.
also if this seams just a little weird, all the better as this has something to do with the plot.

also some of the teachers might not be from the U.S. and might have Japanese names. But for teaching would speek english.

Best way to explain it is:
think of a small slighty rich town surrounding a school in America.
now move that town as is with all the people to Japan.

Only thing I really need to research at this point is a good place to put this fictional in japan.

I need to find a place that has nothing there at this point and has a good vew of the sky but is also some what close to a big city......
which I should start to do today why i still have time off

So if you guys have any ideas on that it would help alot.

Quotethe town is a town only for americans as is the school.

=-=

um... I'm gonna let you go on, but you do... realize how unbelievably unrealistic this is?... You never get whole towns where rich Americans live in other wealthy nations... not really even in so-so nations... >_>

Quotethe reason, its for wealthy americans in business that moved to Japan. and if that said person brought their kid to japan, to make it easyer on the kid would to make a little peice of the U.S. over there.
also if this seams just a little weird, all the better as this has something to do with the plot.

Again, that's a really awkward reason. Like, there's an area in Hiroshima that Ford actually owns where foreigners live on business trips, but its like... a block. Maybe two or three. lol. It's also generally not a good idea to have really unrealistic things explained by a plot element; the setting should compliment the plot, not be completely influenced by it... unless said setting is destroyed or drastically changed by some plot event, i.e. Godzilla movies...

Quotethink of a small slighty rich town surrounding a school in America.
now move that town as is with all the people to Japan.

Only thing I really need to research at this point is a good place to put this fictional in japan.

I doubt this place would exist in Japan, really. The Japanese aren't gonna just give up a good amount of area so a bunch of rich fat Americans can squat around like nobody's business. So unless in the near future you predict Japan going through some extreme major crisis that literally turns their entire country to the shitter (and not even God's lovely gift of Earthquake/Tsunami/Nuclear issues are anything of that scale) it's kind of a silly start. Preferably you should have a situation where a company has a lot where they have several company-owned buildings, and the friends live in the apartments near eachother, and instead of being a status symbol, they're there on a more modest business-oriented agenda.

(comment removed)

... wait... why would you make a thread asking for people for ideas if you don't trust them?... isn't that slightly... counterproductive? :/

(comment removed)

She has a point though. You started a topic for it, which makes sense. Within this topic, you asked for ideas and advice; which is also understandable. However, you turn around and say that you are not going to give us much information, but you still want ideas. We need enough information to be able to offer good ideas, which is why it can be considered counterproductive if you only ask for ideas. It would be like asking for names for a product that could be anything from a bottle of wine to an electronic gadget. Also...

Quotebasicly all i can say is its a evil government and the town has a role in it...
and the kids gain powers by (*****)(****)(****) and they slowly learn about the government and (*****'s) past and about the powers. then they try to save the earth and fail.
then they leave earth to go to (*****) and try to help out (*****) while getting stronger. they meet up with (****). but then they turn on the heros but......

I recall you saying that you were not going to give much information, but this is still pretty much a short synopsis of your story. If you only remove the important points when you post it, wouldn't others be able to take it anyway and fill in the blanks with whatever they want?

Anyway, good luck on your project! You will let us know how it turns out, right?

hmm..... Salanewt thanks...

I guess i need to take a look at the story again...
And think about how to do this... on here..

I start college up again this Monday so I won't be on here to comment.

But please keep posting names for the characters, and if you come with any club names thats good to.

Sorry if I offended anyone.

Keep in mind, the evil government plot is kind of cliched, it may be best to try and avoid both that and the evil organization plot.  Both have been used to hell, and people are kinda starting to get tired of them, y'know?

Well They arn't exactly evil... looking at what they are doing with out looking at the past would make anyone think they are evil.

but in the story the entire population of the human race in the start of the government agreed to do the thing that the government is doing.
and by doing so saved the human race.

more story spoilers.
but now 20000 years later this government is croupt and wants complete control.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

also if anyone has any good orignal catch phrases post them here.

I was thinking of giving a character a catch phrase to use at ether a bad time or a good time. (and won't be over used like "beleve it" in the english dub of naruto)


Joke example idea: The hell with a side of crackers!

wow this sounds really cool wow 20000 years in the future in japan

i wish i lived in japan it sounds really cool but it looks kinda weird

Nice story so far ... but all the unknown make it hard to read ...... maybe use temp names and replace them later?

@DarkGriever: yeah thats what I am trying to work on now...

the thing is this is unlike any other story ever made (ether anime or not)

Spoiler might make you think I am crazy...
[spoiler]Lets just say people think its the year 2012AD but it is really the year 30129AD.

I have 3 pages of math problems and other stuff to find out what year to put this at and how it interacts with its own history
(which changes from real life at the year 2999, since every thing before that doesn't matter (so far))

the story is some what complicated but to learn the main plot completely would take 24 episodes and would be season one.
(I mean for the main characters to find out)

It may seem weird but I am putting a lot of work into this and am at about page 20 of solid text for the story and plot history.

I also left in the possibility to have an anime project in the past as another story that interacts with the future and shows how the main story came to be.

I tend to over think things but with this I could make 3 different anime stories in the same "Anime Universe".[/spoiler]

So basically I am planning this for the possibility that in the future this becomes a popular manga or even a novel that I would have a ton to work with.

...Let me get this straight... This takes place 20,000 years in the past future... in Japan...

You do know that there is no way in hell ANY modern country will be around that long, right?

Edit: I HATE mobile browsing... >_>  Don't even notice my errors...

For your information, most of the longest existing nations have only been around for maybe around 1000-1500 years. We're in a more stable environment now and I don't think Japan would be one of the nations to fall or merge with another nation, but 20,000 years is such a long span of time that anything's possible. I mean, in my own work Simurgh, most nations became one nation and the continents were just one nation... about 700 years into the future. Even Japan was reworked because about 99.956% of the population was killed off in the disaster  (the population is about 300,000,000 on that tiny little island in the 28th century, major food source is destroyed, cities are locked down... you can see where this is going) - and then, 800 years later, the country of "Nipon" has a lot of differences than the Japan that is notable today. All the other countries are different too. Even today Japan is a lot different than it was 100 years ago - it annoys me when people automatically think Japan would be the perfect place to set an event in the very distant future, and that it would be exactly the same as today...

If Japan DOES exist in 20,000 years, it wouldn't be anything like it is now. They probably would speak an entirely different language completely, with a different set of ideals, different culture, different layout, ect... culture does kind of evolve after a while... When working with future events, you need to take a lot of time to construct how that place has evolved and changed. Doing it over 1500 years isn't too bad to work with (then again I'm doing the whole world's history, not just Japan's) but 20,000 years, to make it really believable, you're gonna have a crapload of work set up for you.

Anyways, going back, you could EASILY set this plot in present day, or even 20-30 years in the future. As I said earlier, your 3 American characters could live in a company-owned apartment and your Japanese character could live nearby. Really, its not that weird - that's how we and a few other families lived in Japan, after all. Then, you could easily construct some crazy-@#$ becoming Prime Minister who overrules a lot of the previous law after finding a loophole to let him do whatever the hell he wants. I don't see why you have to set this 20,000 years in the future when you can easily do it in 5-30 years in the future.

I love your guys reaction to what I said!

Now I can give your reaction to the characters in my story. hehe.

But anyway the reason it sounds weird is because I left out the detail that is most important to the story. which I can't tell you yet...

The story would not be possible if not for an idea by Freeman Dyson in the 1950s.

Also the story needs to be that far in the future because the government has to have advanced technology advanced enuff to destroy an entire solar system in a blink of an eye.
and there needs to be peroids of around 2000 to 3000 years of peace after the real year 3000AD.

...zman, now it's just getting kinda stupid.  Solar system destroying stuff?  REALLY?  So, where exactly did they test this stuff, hmm?  Oh, and again, fat chance of having any modern country last to the year 3K.

If you need something along those lines, just invent some revolutionary new substance (or just use the old standby, antimatter) that has nigh unlimited destructive potential and make one nation (the one that discovered the stuff) use this power to make 'peace' through intimidation.

As for Dyson, I assume you're talking about his participation to the Orion Project. Did you know that he also supported the treaty that made nuclear pulse propulsion illegal to test? Just a fun factoid for anyone who cares.

Putting those two ideas together, I take it you're thinking of including a method of space travel powered by explosions powerful enough to destroy a solar system. Or are you going to try for time travel? At that level of power, I doubt the space-time continuum would stand much of a chance (unless you're in the Dragon Ball Z universe)...it would make black holes every time you wanted to go somewhere...and that's not even looking at the damage you'd have to do just to move through space...or how any ship could survive the blast. You should be sure to address those points in the story.

QuoteIt may seem weird but I am putting a lot of work into this and am at about page 20 of solid text for the story and plot history.

It's not weird to be prepared. I have about 50 or 60  pages of background notes for an idea for a novel I want to do, and my friend has more than 12 entire notebooks dedicated to his 'ultimate short story cycle'.

I am seriously thinking you're coming up with this to make up for the fact that you don't really have a deep plot. You don't need a solar system destroying mechanism or 20,000 years in the future to make a decent "evil-government" plot. I mean, hellooo, look at Hitler, he did completely evil things (killing 12 million people in like 5 years, you know), and that was 70 years ago. Blowing it to that kind of proportion is just going to make it sound more unbelievable. Now, will you take a good listen to me for once and realize that a good "evil-government" plot can easily be constructed (and be more realistic, thus more frightening) in a time period from now to maybe 30 years in the future? Really.

In the history story line I made all countrys become just two countrys at the year 3010AD and then become 1 nation at 3095AD...

And the history I have set up is very detailed.

My advice to you who want to know the plot, just relax and wait. I am writing something up so I can get copy rights to this story.

Yeah... that in itself is extremely unrealistic.

No offense zman, but so far this is sounding like a glorified, plot hole ridden, unbelievable, so cliche it hurts, fanfic.  I'd throw in Mary Sue but I don't know if that term can be applied to technology.

I would really love to hear the history and explanation for it all though so I'll wait for when you release that bit of info.

Unrealistic?  It is a fictional story, it's kinda silly to complain about that.

True, but what makes a story enjoyable is that its believable. I mean, when you watch a stupid SciFi channel flick, what makes it funny/groan-inducingly horrible? There's certainly good Sci-Fi movies out there but if a story isn't believable its a total joke.

Bottom line is, even if its completely in a fictional world, if its a non-cliche believable story, then people will still enjoy it.

Even fictional stories must be bound by some kind of grounds of realism.  Basically, look at the future high tech shows - a lot of them happen in totally fictional countries, and with good reason.

I kinda enjoyed the UNBELIEVABLE stuff in the story -.- .... a weird type of story but enjoyable.

Look, if you're going to throw reality out of the window, you've gotta do it right:  Look at gurren lagaan, for example.  It was good BECAUSE it gave the finger to realism in favor of rule of cool.  But it looks like Zman wants something more grounded in reality than it is over the top.  Yet even then, he's throwing in crazy stuff that shouldn't mix together.  It's very quickly looking like poorly written fanfiction.

The way I am makeing this story is in a way that it could be happening right now but no one knows it.

It's a conspiracy type story.

rember what i said?

"its the year 30129AD but every one thinks its still 2012AD."

akso the key to the story is this >>> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyson_sphere (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyson_sphere) look at dyson shell.

So... it's the Matrix then?

Hm... This will be interesting to say the least. Although... don't do it poorly. There are many who would take the slightest mistake in your story and tear it into shreds. Myself included. Anyway, good luck! You seem to be at least putting effort into it, unlike others, so this should be good! Can't wait!  :happy:

Quote from: Whizkidhv on 04, April, 2011, 11:09:19 PM
Hm... This will be interesting to say the least. Although... don't do it poorly. There are many who would take the slightest mistake in your story and tear it into shreds. Myself included. Anyway, good luck! You seem to be at least putting effort into it, unlike others, so this should be good! Can't wait!  :happy:

You'll have to.  For a very, VERY long time.  Do you really think they're going to pull this off?  To make their own anime?  I doubt ANY of us will get into any animation studio or get the money/other resources necessary to pull this off, let alone zman.

Still, it is fun to PLAN this kind of thing, just in case.  Just don't go with the expectation of actually getting it done - you'll have to either work your butt off to get to the proper position of power to do this, or get lucky and sell your idea to someone who actually likes it.

Quoteyou'll have to either work your butt off to get to the proper position of power to do this, or get lucky and sell your idea to someone who actually likes it.

So far I just plan to make the story, get copy rights to the main idea of the story and show it to some sorta anime or manga making company.
At the very least I will make it into a book.

Also I don't plan to go into this line of work. Right now I am studying "Web design and interactive media" in college so even if this happens to take off, it would just be a side job.

The only reason I started this is because I had a weird dream one night and felt like writing about it, and it went on from there.
Then I explained the plot and story to my college teachers and the others in my class and their reaction was so great I decided to work on it as a full story.

If you're taking that in college, it's already too late.  That's a high-school course.  The college stuff would be more focused studies.

QuoteThat's a high-school course.  The college stuff would be more focused studies.

Just so you know I took Computer programming in high school. I went to a tech school. I had programming every day.

I plan to work on web based games at first, and then if possible move on to Video games.

Oh?  But didn't you know?  You're not the only one who took programming classes in high school here.  Got any proof?  I'm sure Atrius could ask for something simple, hell, even I could.  You know what, I'm going to call your bluff.

Show me some pseudocode of a program that would call up a random user from the clan leadership each time you asked it to.

lets see...

Dim randrole
Dim namerole
Dim titlerole
Dim msgrole

randrole = Rand(1,5)

Select Case randrole
Case 1
namerole = "zman"
Case 2
namerole = "role"
Case 3
namerole = "Atrius"
Case 4
namerole = "Dark"
Case 5
namerole = "Sala"
End Select

titlerole = "The new clan leader is: " + namerole + "."

Msg = MsgBox(title)

Public Function Rand(ByVal Low, ByVal High)
Randomize
Rand = Int((High - Low + 1) * Rnd) + Low


Ok been a while but I think it would work. Its just a quick example!
And yes I know its not the complete code set need to make a working program!

And if there is something wrong with it I am sorry, I am a little out of practice as I have not done any codeing in about a year and I just started college.
I just need a refresher course.

EDIT: Why the hell do I have to convince you any way role???!!!

Posts deleted. Let's keep it on topic Role, its irrelevant if Zman is pretending to be in college or not. Consider yourself still warned.

Wait... is this going to be a video game now? o.o

QuoteWait... is this going to be a video game now? o.o

hehe...
If any thing, once I draw up the characters, I would make a small flash fighting game with the main characters and their powers.

------------------------------------------
Work update...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At this point the only things that are final are:
things you didn't see like back story for characters, history, and how the powers work.
also [Unknown 2's] name will be Jenna (nothing to do with golden sun) and will have a type 1 power.
the will be three types of powers type 1 (yet to be named) type 2 (will be called Controllers) and type 3 (will be called Creators)
[Unknown 4] will have pink hair, have the ability to heal all, repair DNA, and live forever. and will be a type 1 or 2.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Things I am working on now...

Personality files for all characters
back story for [Unknown 3]
full, powers list and how they react

And a power relation chart... this I will post soon.
And trust me, it won't be simple...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thats it for updates.
Now bring on the ideas and critics!

Repair DNA? That seems like an oddly specific power, how would said DNA get broken in the first place?

Actually DNA gets broken all the time - internal radiation, rays from space, ect. Usually its not a big deal unless it effects something like the cycle of cell reproduction which ends up making the cell cancerous.

...But those types of damage seem negligible, hardly worthy of mention (unless zman is trying to go for a 'resistance to radiation'  power). I'm wondering why he put it out as a main power, rather than as an aspect of being able to "heal all" (where 'all' would surely encompass DNA).

I'm thinking that either it will be involved in cancer, which a power like that would be extremely useful in a post-apocalyptic nuclear war-torn future, or somehow science has developed a way to modify DNA to change people's bodies into otherworldly/horrible forms, and this person can return them back to a stable condition.

Again, you can already do this if you can 'heal all'.

Hm, he might want to impose a limit to it though. Like, if you're healing DNA you can't regenerate lost limbs, ect. It's not a good idea to give a character too much power though.

Well, I think what he meant was something along the lines of "capable of healing anything, including x, y, and z." Although I agree that if you make the reset button too easy to use, you run the risk of ruining any suspense you may have invoked. Bearing in mind that injuries make it more difficult for someone to fight, most injuries that the main character(s) face probably won't be entirely crippling to begin with. Although I don't see why it shouldn't be possible to regenerate limbs (if the power truly is to be able to heal anything, why would this be an exception?), it should take a considerably longer time to do than to close a relatively small wound. The time to heal something needs to be proportional to how bad the injury is. Like, you shouldn't be getting a replacement arm mid-fight.

Well I guess its time to revial more about the powers.
But the only power I will explain in detail is the healing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
like I said, all powers can be placed in three different types.
-------------
Type 1 (name yet to be chosen)
The powers will affect the person with the power. type 1 is the weekest form of the powers and looked down apon.
Powers can be, super strangth, turnning invisabull, Great reflexes, (maby flight... (if so will be special)), and so on.
((healing is special))((power deleter is special))
-------------
Type 2 (Controlers)
As the name states, they will have psychic type powers and be able to control matter. type 2 is stronger then type 1 but they are much fewer in number.
Powers to control matter range from, controling rock, ice, fire, water, air, and a more powerful form called Psychic which can control all forms of matter.
((light control is special))((life control is special))((tech. control is special))
-------------
Type 3 (Creators)
Again as the name states they can create matter. And by that I mean they can transform any matter into a matter form that they can control. type 3 is the most powerful, but their powers are so rare that only 1 out of 10000 or more have it.
Powers are, Gravity, heat, rock, fire, water, metal, exc....
((Lava is special))((life create is ultra rare and special))((full earth water heat and air control is special))
-------------
Next is power level.
Powers first show up around the age of ten.
And their control over that thing is rated on a scale of 1-10 and a special level 11.
also these scales do not apply to type 1

now to explain it better think of 0 as no power.
This first scale is range of control. ( how far away said person can control said thing )

[spoiler]1 = one millimeter - 2 inches.
2 = 2 inches - 2 feet.
3 = 2 feet - 20 meters.
4 = 20 meters -  1000 meters.
5 = About a mile - 4 miles.
6 = 4 miles - 50 miles.
7 = 50 miles - 200 miles.
8 = 200 miles - 2000 miles.
9 = 2000 miles - 8000 miles.
10 = 8000 miles - 30000 miles

11 = special, one person had this at one time and estimated range was "587,849,981,000,000,000 miles" but died dew to extreme stress on his brain.  [/spoiler]

The second is a damage rating (how much damage can they do)

[spoiler]1 = just enough control over said power that you know you have a power.
2 = enough power to help out in every day life ( would be hard to hurt some one with this level or power ).
3 = If miss used could cause injures or death.
4 = could easily take on 100 people.
5 = could destroy a city in a day. (24 hours).
6 = could destroy a large county in a day.
7 = example... (could destroy Ohio in a day).
8 = could destroy 2000 square miles in a day.
9 = example... (what happed to north america?).
10 = planetary destruction.

11 = Only happed once and by using his power he controlled all light in the milky way but died dew to shock on his brain.[/spoiler]

Next thing to keep in mind, very very few had a level above level 4 and those that did would still have trouble controlling something they could not see. the scale is only to give an example on how much control they have over said thing.

so if a level 8 is hovering a small rock to show off (for some reason...) and a level 9 walks in, he could take control of the rock from the lower level person.
--------------------------------
also the reason I don't have a scale for the type one is because I don't want this to be dragon ball z where a person with super strength could punch the world to dust...
--------------------------------
Lastly the ((special)) powers are extremely rare and powerful.
--------------------------------
Since this is getting long I will end it here.
as for the healing power explanation I will add more detail on my first post but in short.

DNA degrades after 30 (you stop growing at 30) Every time a cell splits the DNA degrades slightly. thus ageing.
The healer at a level 1 - 4 could live forever and heal any injury (But a missing lim would take days weeks or longer.)
but a level 10 could survive any attack as long as the brain is intact and is connected to the heart.

And again bring on the critics.. I.. I mean ideas!

Quotealso the reason I don't have a scale for the type one is because I don't want this to be dragon ball z where a person with super strength could punch the world to dust...

You realize that a range level of 9 covers the diameter of the earth though, right?

For the power levels, I assume you mean the average person. I could probably kill lots of people with only the ability to use lift/manipulate 5lbs with telekinesis at 2 ft. (aka ~level 2)

@Atrius
[spoiler]O crap I ment square miles!
well... on that note... MORE EXPLAINING!

As I have said the type 1 will be the weekest mainly because most of the powers don't involve attacks and the such.
However, one of the main characters will be a type 1 with multipul abiltys (maby maby not) but mainly super strangth.

Also as the powers have to do with the mind, what type 1's will be controling is them self's.

also yes as time goes on, the main heros will get stronger and stronger, as will the enemys.

I also made it this way because I don't want "power play down" as the series goes on.
By "power play down" I mean...
Take DBZ as the worlds best example of this.
before Vegeta meets Goku for the first time he destroys a planet, EASILY!
now move on to the cell saga...
super saiyn 2 Vegeta powers up and blasts cell with his full power and only blows up an island.......
This will NOT happen in this story.

as time goes on they will slowly move from a 3 or 4 to a 7 or 8

As for what i would call the first season will be them finding their powers and solving problems as they come up.

And lastly the powers will not be the only thing they would have to worry about.

there will be advanced tech (robots) magic (little unsure) And any other syfy stuff i can think to add.

This is a conspiracy type anime.
who knows I might add in some things like area 51, and the lost city of atlantis.[/spoiler]

@Mastermind
[spoiler]level 1 they can just use the powers
level 2 they can control it better but unless the person is just sitting there while you walk up lift a rock with your mind then slowly move it over their head then smash it on their head multipul times, then yess.

There is a reason I am starting the hero's at level 3 and 4...[/spoiler]

 A rock is such a crude way to kill, and unnecessarily messy. Just use it on the brachial nerve...and they'd be dead without all the mess.

Quote from: Charon the Ferryman on 10, April, 2011, 01:13:07 PM
Actually DNA gets broken all the time - internal radiation, rays from space, ect. Usually its not a big deal unless it effects something like the cycle of cell reproduction which ends up making the cell cancerous.

Also keep in mind that this includes probably Mutations - and that's how evolution works in the first place.  I think it's a really broken power, since it'll just revert whatever into what ever the first lifeform happened to be.  So either that's a very generalized description of the power, or it's way too godlike, essentially being an insta-kill as far as we'd be concerned.

This is why I put it into the special power list.

the special power list has powers that are more complacated then.
the best example of this so far would be the Creators lava power.

The creators use their mind to change the air and other matter into a matter they can control.
changing matter rocks is easyer then turning matter to lava. (just go with it)

because its so rare and complacated I can get off with a basic explanation because I can't explain how it works.
AND THIS IS FICTION!

Lets just say the power knows what the DNA should be... and since the heros powers are being blocked when the person with the healing power shows up it unlocks their powers....
thats what I am going with.


If any of you can come up with something better I am all ears.

Just because it's fiction doesn't give you an excuse to not explain how things work.  Description is especially important when explaining something that doesn't exist in real life.

Quote from: zman9000 on 11, April, 2011, 11:42:11 AM
This is why I put it into the special power list.

the special power list has powers that are more complacated then.
the best example of this so far would be the Creators lava power.

The creators use their mind to change the air and other matter into a matter they can control.
changing matter rocks is easyer then turning matter to lava. (just go with it)

because its so rare and complacated I can get off with a basic explanation because I can't explain how it works.
AND THIS IS FICTION!

Lets just say the power knows what the DNA should be... and since the heros powers are being blocked when the person with the healing power shows up it unlocks their powers....
thats what I am going with.


If any of you can come up with something better I am all ears.

So these special powers are practical immortality and matter conversion? Those aren't too hard to explain you know. Also, if this is sci-fi/fantasy, you'll need to fully explain it at some point. Best figure it out first.

Aye, develop the system before you develop the world - that's the first rule of GMing.  Since RPs are just collective storytelling, the same applies to standard stories, beit book, game, live action, or animated form.

Quoteyou'll need to fully explain it at some point. Best figure it out first.

Well yes and no.

I will explain every thing at some point but the healing power will be explained like this...

Three lines from later in the story
[spoiler][ships computer] The healing power speeds up the healing process, can grow back missing lims over time, and repair damaged DNA.
[Unknown 1] So is that how we got our powers??
[ships computer] Correct. Your DNA was damaged dew to the [chemical] the government put in the worlds water. over time it would block your power. By the time you turn ten when your powers would first show up, They would be completely blocked.[/spoiler]

If you don't like storys that aren't real with fake science, then start protesting "Dragon Ball Z", "Pokemon", and "Golden Sun"!

basicly, my story revolves around the human brain and mind, and how much we under estmate our selves.

In the story there are aliens and once we find them, with in two hundred years we rule the galaxy.
But that would tie in more to the second half of the story.

Quote from: zman9000 on 12, April, 2011, 08:10:52 AM
If you don't like storys that aren't real with fake science, then start protesting "Dragon Ball Z", "Pokemon", and "Golden Sun"!

As I said before a fictional story requires some kind of backing in reality, and all those popular games/anime do.

I think the reason why you're recieving so much critism is because we're recieving so little information that it comes off as extremely disjointed. It would benefit you to explain your story in a full summary without giving spoilers like the ending, plot twists and menial details.

Fine you win... I can't argue with you about it any more... Because your totaly right...

(I don't want to post it all so some one can steal it but I want input and with what I posted I can't get input, but... )
^<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< V

Well anyway you can expect the (storys universes back story) ether to night or wednesday after noon.
I'm leaving to go to a party In just a minute and I have class tomorow from 8AM to noon.

the important history is about 5 pages. This revels the entire plot. (Well with it you can guess what the plot is, dew to the other info I gave out...)
Also the reason the story starts at the year 30129 is because of how I planned the history.
It has to be that long because in the story humans have mastered the universe and know how it works so they can make anything happen with in reason.
And the reason they didn't mess their DNA to get stronger and better is because of a deadly history.
What I have been working is how to revel this history in the plot. and they way I do this is making [Unknown 4] lose her memory.

So this makes sence here is my first ruff draft before i started to make this a story. i was just writing about my dream... lol
[spoiler]Notes for [Unknown 4] (a.k.a pink haired girl)
For saving time typing she will be called "Pink"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
******
This is the original story I was thinking for her.
******
Pink's dad is a member of the government and is posted on Earth ID.012:
The year on Earth.012 is 2999, and is only a few weeks until the Dyson sphere is activated and Earth.012 is reset to the year 1. Pinks dad works on getting the remaining government workers out of the sphere. Basically traffic control and he makes sure leaving ships don't get seen by the public. He has a wife and both of them are clear to leave before the (insert name here) process starts. But they have a secret that even the so called all seeing government doesn't know. They have a daughter with pink hair which is a problem.
In this world people are given a drug at birth that removes their powers by damaging DNA. The powers change the person's hair color at around 5 but the power is there at birth. And in this world there are many different powers, but one is different from the rest. The power of healing, it's a strong power if trained and is over looked most of the time because it is so rare. But the healing powers affect is to heal and or repair DNA. This has lead the government to kill these kids when they are found out and blame it on an infection that turns hair pink. This is to keep the kids from unlocking the powers of the people they touch.
Pink would also be dead if it was not for her dad who knew what pink hair means. They faked an accident during a trip to a city on the moon. They said (something and the government believes she is dead). She was then safe, her mom would stay at home and keep her hidden and teach her what she would have learned in school. While her dad would keep working for the government.
When the Dyson sphere is activated it will terraform the whole solar system at the atomic level in a flash. The solar system will be reset to the exact way it was at the year 1. Most people will die but the rest will have their memories replaced. Next key people in the movement of history will replaced by life time actors to make the world end the same way. Then 3000 years later it will repeat. This way wars will have less deaths and the movement of human civilization will stop moving toward self-destruction.
The next thing you need to understand the story, is that the real date based on the original earth's time is jan 13, 30129. The Dyson sphere project started around the year 12000.  After many wars and many alien races gone the human race have long since conquered the milky way.  The year 6000 the human race had moved all alien races from their homes and moved them to the edge of the galaxy. The powers that the humans had decovered at the year 3000 helped greatly but would cause a war that would realy end all wars. It started in the year 6953 and lasted until 10677 and redused the human population of the universe from 23 trillion to 600 thousand. Earth, the crown of the human empire was so badly damaged that on its own, it would take around 500000 years to recover.
Lastly, around the year one there were some technologl advances but they were so miner that if they were for got some one would just redecover it in less then 10 years. But something in the human brain around that time. They began to explore, expand, invent, and lastly fight for what they believe in no matter the cost. In what we gained in just 2000 years was looked apon by hour selfs as disappointing. Little did we know that it took aliens over 10000 years to do that. By the year 3000 we had collnized every planet in hour solar system and where planning to make the next big step when something life changing happened. A bunch of kids where born with psyicich powers. These kids saved more people then any one person ever had. More and more people were born with these powers, and you would think that with so much power a war would start right away, but you would be wrong. This power united the humans and they took to the stars. When they found live they were shocked that they were all at the same point of not as far. More and more humans mastered the universe to the point they coild change it how ever they pleased. But humans ever lasting will to descover, invent, conquer, and explore the unknown grew. They started to look down on other beings and wanted to rule them. This started in the year 5995 and ended in the year 6003. A few seven years to conquer other beings just as powerful and in numbers as them. But peace would not last. 950 years later human greed would take new root. Each human would have the power to creat weapons with the power to warp space and time, and a single person could destroy a city in a day with out any help. The two leaders were two very special people with very special powers.
The side that started the war had the more laid back powers, super strength, flight, and control over matter. Their so called evil leader would have the so called two tone power. When his powers unlocked his hair turned two colors. In all this time no one had ever had this happen. But he had no power of his own. But he could copy and persons power he came into contact with and use it against them at the same level. Also copying the healing power from time to time he could increase his life span forever.
The enemy of the take over was the so called wild cards. They had powers that riviled the normal power users. Controle over fire, wind, lava, space, time, gravity, and many more. But even with their power they crushed. They had no choice but to run. They were out numbered and if they met the evil leader they would die. But in the year 6937 a new hope for humanity was born. Crystal hair was his nick name. when he turned 16 he faced the two color. With a flash of light he attacked. In only 3 hours  the almost 3000 year rain been stoped. The crystal hair power is a rare one, all people had some control over whatever they controlled, but not complete control. The crystal hair had complete control of light and his range of attack was endless. It took him 2 hours and 59 minutes to beat the two color, and only one second to end the war. Sadly the crystal hair also died because the power he has was to great to be unleashed all at once.
With this war in the past they look for a way to stop all conflict once and for all. It would have to be something that kills off a humans will to learn more. That would be the only to protect live in the universe. So they studed the history of humans when times were peaceful but we were still exploring so as were not to take away their freedom completely. So they used they technology to do they unthinkable. They found a galaxy with no life and converted it all into energy. They would use it to create massive spheres around 6600 solar systems in the milky way. Then create exact repulicas of earths solar system at the year 1ad. Then they would take 3000000 people and erace their memories and start over. 1000000 of the people would be actors at one time or another to make sure that it all turns out the same way as the original earth. Importand people in history would be life time actors and would play some one else to keep peace. Even some of the woulds worst would have to be actors.
But they would be given a way out. If the planet could work together to brake free from this control with in 3000 years they would be given freedom to explore the universe and do as they please as long as they don't kill intelegetn life again.
So this brings us back to the current time line the currently 6593 Dyson spheres active, and 7 have gone free. Time passed aprox: 18000 years. Original earth is still being worked on to bring it back from ruin. There is a government that looks after the Dyson spheres. It is made up of actors and soldiers to make sure every thing goes as planed. But within the 18000 years of time change has happened in the government. People are starting to think they should lead the human race or that they could do a better job. And the people who have become free feel they should help the others still inprisoned in the spheres.
It is tima for Pink's world to end and return to the beginning. But how can she leave she is wanted and can't leave with her parents. And if she stays she would most likely be killed. So her dad does what no other actor has done before. He lets the whole world know by crashing the evac ship into the Dyson sphere. Which gives his daughter time to escape in a pod to some other earth for safty.
Before she leaves she has her memores sealed in the ships computer and for them not to be realesed until she finds some one she can trust.
She is now heading for one earth that she randomaly picked first. She is notested when entering the sphere and is shot down.
She crashes in northan Japan in the camping site that [unknown 1 and 3] will be camping at. With this ends her story.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[/spoiler]
It's a little ruff but this was a ruff draft  and i naver finnished working on it, I just started over.. lol
The story will be found in a new topic called ["Triple Threat" zman9000's anime/manga project (Ideas welcome)]

Edit: Jenna Matthews named so because of some one in real life (I might change the Matthews part, but her name WILL be Jenna... ... ... )

Quote from: zman9000 on 12, April, 2011, 08:10:52 AM

Quoteyou'll need to fully explain it at some point. Best figure it out first.

Well yes and no.

I will explain every thing at some point but the healing power will be explained like this...

Three lines from later in the story
[spoiler][ships computer] The healing power speeds up the healing process, can grow back missing lims over time, and repair damaged DNA.
[Unknown 1] So is that how we got our powers??
[ships computer] Correct. Your DNA was damaged dew to the [chemical] the government put in the worlds water. over time it would block your power. By the time you turn ten when your powers would first show up, They would be completely blocked.[/spoiler]

If you don't like storys that aren't real with fake science, then start protesting "Dragon Ball Z", "Pokemon", and "Golden Sun"!

basicly, my story revolves around the human brain and mind, and how much we under estmate our selves.

In the story there are aliens and once we find them, with in two hundred years we rule the galaxy.
But that would tie in more to the second half of the story.

Er... speeding up the healing process would result in vastly shortened life span due to continually shortened telomeres. Also, DNA would be impossible to retain constant, unless there was a mutation resulting in the cell to be some variant of cancerous such that it continually divides without degrading.

Healing power = fast healing and DNA repair

Which means that the user of said power lives forever! (Unless their head gets cut off then their dead....)

For the DNA thing... lets say that quick and unatural DNA changes leave some kind of scar that can be healed....

Meaning that power blocking being a part of being human dew to natural mutation and was speeded up dew an accdent (which is part of the history I will post tomorow.)

Also a little hint.

The healing power isn't an orignal power and was created by a mad man in the year 6000 (give or take a year)
this person has to do with the main story as his nick name was "Double Threat"
he used this to try and live forever but was killed at around the age of 3000 (give or take a year)

And if you are confused what the Triple Threat and Double Threat thing are I thought of a good example.
If you have watched hero's from start to finnish this will make sence if not... tuff luck.
The power that peter has at the start of the show is the Triple Threat. And the power he has when he gets his power back is the Double threat.

Ok I'll be nice..
Double Threat = copy one power at a time and only hold on to one at a time, if you would want another you would have to lose the one you have to get it. 2 toned hair.
Triple threat = copy any power and have as many as you want with out restrection. also possible to use more then one at a time but a lower strangth. 3 toned hair.

QuoteI don't want to post it all so some one can steal it but I want input and with what I posted I can't get input, but...

Trust me, you'll never, EVER, have to worry about that.

After reading the last couple of posts here, I've gotta say... Zman, it seems you don't understand the difference between "acceptable breaks from reality" and "blatantly wrong technobabble to explain a central plot device." If you're trying to make powers that work within the laws of physics and the known sciences, then do so. But you need to recognize in what specific way you're breaking the laws of physics in order to explain it, which will require a good amount of research on your part to understand why something would or wouldn't work. But it's a bit jarring when you do that and then you try to explain other stuff as "it's magic I don't need to explain it." Well, that's... somewhat true. If it's a rule of the story's reality that magic exists, then as far as that story is concerned, it exists. The problem is making sure that the magic acts consistently within the work. You risk breaking your audience's Willing Suspension of Disbelief if you Handwave too much stuff, especially if you present obvious contradictions along the way.

Reading these may help you with your approach to internal consistency in your story: Minovsky Particle (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MinovskyParticle) and Magic A is Magic A (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MagicAIsMagicA). Furthermore, with all the crazy stuff you have going on here (power across the galaxy? uh... yeah... why hasn't humanity killed itself off yet?), you are running some serious risk of Misapplied Phlebotinum (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MisappliedPhlebotinum). In fact, reading that site in general may be a good idea to get a better feel for the techniques and devices employed in writing, and for what you want to use and avoid, yourself.

And there's something else I've gotta say... do you really think someone here would steal something you wrote? Nevermind the fact that your posts are near-incoherent at times, and your story is full of holes. Why would we want to steal your work? No one here is so lacking in morality that they would steal your work as their own, nor do they even have a means to profit off of it if they wanted to. Honestly, I'm not that impressed with what I've heard of it so far, since it feels too much like a half-baked mish-mash of different things that you'd need to be either crazy or some kind of genius to pull it off (or both). And no offense or anything, but you don't exactly come off as that kind of genius.

well most of the stuff i have not posted is fixed.

And if you mean the powers... the only power I realy need to explain is the healing power. And I am reserching that now.

Also I tend to over think things and some times come up with weird conclousions... but for the story I am having the trouble finding a way to explain the real stuff in the story because how complacated it is. (And yes I know I spelled this word wrong ^)................

Well its 1AM so I guess I will post most of the story I have completed...
Edit: well I lied I have decided ([{"on my own..."}]) to just post the history here...
so here you go...

(This is the history for this world. "This is not final, dates and years will change "some" once I finnish my research, thanks...")
[spoiler]In the future, the universe will need heroes. The year is 30,129 AD, and the universe is in its most peaceful period ever. But the why then does this universe need heroes? It's because not everything is as it seems. In this age there is what you could call a "completely corrupt government". This government oversees around 39,600,000,000,000 human beings, but the people are unaware of this fact. And every 2 ½ years around 10 billion of them are killed. Now you may think to yourself, "that's not so bad considering how many people there are and over a period of 2 1/2 years, that sounds like a very low death rate to me". Well, what if I told you that those deaths every 2 ½ years happened all at once. That they were completely wiped out and were held captive their whole life. And what if I said that those 39,600,000,000,000 still think it's before the year 3000. But to understand how things could get this bad you would have to look back in time to the real year 2012.
The Mayans predicted that the world would end on December 21, 2012 at 11:56am. But nothing happened on that day. In fact, the biggest thing to happen that year was before that date. It was a "CME",

Also known as a "Coronal Mass Ejection" (EXPLAIN WHAT A "CME" IS).  Movies had said if one were to hit the earth dead, it would wipe out all life on earth, but that's not what happened. It had hit earth but nothing happened. It was a "CME" unlike any other because, It didn't even knock out any electricity anywhere on earth. But the earth was not left completely unchanged. Over many years humans slowly got stronger. In the year 2012, the maximum weight a human could lift due to muscle size and bone strength was 2000 pounds, but by the year 2950 human strength increased to lift over 2500 pounds. That was not the only change, over the years children were born with strange colored hair. Some kids would be born with pink or blue hair, but that would soon fade to a normal color. In the year 2999 on New Year's Eve there was an act of terrorism that changed the world forever. The terrorists exploded an experimental radiation bomb over Japan. But it was a failed attack and no one died. But people from Japan to Africa gained powers, ones that a normal person would call super powers. In a way this brought the world together and split it in two all at once.

The powers were many, and those with them started to think they were better than those without. One side of the planet was very strong and ready for war and the other was helpless. In 3012 someone on the powerless side came up with a power balance that would keep the world together.

They would take kids and young teens that were in accidents that had lost limbs and had other problems, and replace them with robotic limbs. These kids would be given training and they would become the army for the powerless side. War would have erupted, if not for one teen who had both -super powers and robotic arms. He became a hero to both sides, and with both sides able to stand up to each other, things settled down.

By the year 3116 every one had powers and the kids with robotic limbs had ether all died from old age or fighting. Also the powers had changed form, kids under the age of ten can't use powers. With this the number of violent young teens went down to almost zero. And the world now united under one nation, found peace. Jump to the year 3320, earth has now colonized two planets other than earth, and are planning to go to a third. In the year 3329, they travel to this third planet and find intelligent life there. They are surprised to find that the inhabitants aren't as far advanced as Earth, and are weaker than we were when we didn't have powers. The human government then tried to take control of their race to lead them. One by one more aliens where found, and each were less advance then hour own.

The year now 3475, we now have ships as fast and big as those captured by U.S. government in the 20s, and those seen by the public. All the ships they found were damaged beyond repair and had little salvaged from them. And with us now having searched almost the whole galaxy we began to wonder if we would ever find them. That's when something unexpected happened, deep in an unexplored part of the Milky Way on the other side of the galaxy we scanned an explosion. But this explosion was bigger than any super nova, and it came from a planet. After a year a human exploration group reached the location. What they found was destroyed planets and ships but no sign of life. It seems that the aliens that have visited us in the past had wiped themselves out in war.

By the year 4500 the powers of the human race had become more defined from each other. And their hair would turn a certain color depending on which power they possessed. And within the powers there were three groups. "Normal", which would have powers that changed the person's strength speed and reflexes, were the most common. Next, there were the "controllers." They could control matter, move water and wind, and make plants grow to their will. Lastly, there were the "creators" who could create and control. They could make fire, electricity, and energy. They were the rarest and most powerful.  There were many powers, and many more to come, but not much more changed with them from then on.

Now the year 5650, tension between aliens and humans had grown to the boiling point, and war is just around the corner. There are more aliens then humans, and they have the same technology at the starting date of the war of 5652. But in just 6 years almost all the aliens have been wiped out with very few causalities on the human side. And with this defeat human kind now ruled the galaxy.

By 5732 human kind had almost completely figured out the universe and how it worked. It would impossible to travel to another galaxy's in one's life time which meant that there wasn't anything left to explore, no discoveries, and nothing new to look forward to. The human race became restless and with their power and differences of opinion a war broke out.

The rich and powerful "creators" and "controllers" have always looked down on the "normals". And a man who would be called by the name "Double Threat" would lead the "normal" against the others for control. The sheer number of "normals" overwhelmed the opposing force and pushed the "creators" and "controllers" into hiding. This war would be called "the real war to end all wars" because it lasted from 5739 to 9427, and is the longest battle ever fought.

One thing that made it last so long was a new power discovered. It was the healing power, which the "Double Threat" used to make himself live forever. He and only he could do this because his power let him copy any persons power and then use it against him. But he could hold onto one power at a time. So when he wasn't fighting he would copy the power of one of the healers on his side. The way he got his name was his power caused his hair turn two colors at the same time, which had never happened before.

On the last day of the war and the last day of the "Double Threats" reign, a 16 year old boy stepped forward to fight him. This boy would be called the "crystal angel" because his hair looked like crystals. And he had a special power rivaled by no one. He had complete and utter control of all light in the universe. Most with power have control over a limited amount of matter and have a limited range. Within one minute the war was over. The boy used his power to kill every member of "Double Threat's" army and "Double Threat" all at once. But sadly, "Crystal Angel" died from the shock his power put on his brain.

Dew to the war, many planets were destroyed and the original earth was as un livable as the surface of the sun. The total population of humanity was around 600,000 and was battered and beaten. Hope for the human race was all but lost and humanity had all but wiped themselves out. They could rebuild and start over but the same thing would just happen again. But then someone found a solution while looking at the history of humanity. It seems that the down fall of the human race started on new year's 2999, because that's when the problems started. And looking back to the 20s they found some interesting science theories one of which is called the "Dyson Sphere". First they created 6600 "Dyson spheres" around 6600 stars. Next they used the resources from inhabitable planets and ones destroyed in the war to make an exact replica of earth at the year 1AD in each sphere, They then came up with a government that would look after humanity from behind the scenes. The system they place in the "Dyson sphere" is called an "Atomic Solar Dematerializing System" or "ASDM" for short.

The first system activated on New Year's 10000, and was populated with 500,000 people. They were given fake memories to play out their roles. This way history will repeat itself, but to make sure things go as planned, "life time actors" will act out people in people mentioned in history. Once the year reaches 3000 the "Dyson sphere" will activate and change it back to 1AD. But in the year 3000 there around 10,000,000,000 people and at the year 1 there are around 500,000, which means many people will die in the process.

But because the creators felt bad about the many deaths on their hands, they decided that if the population of a planet finds out what's going on without any outside help, they would be set free. And only if they could find this out would they be trusted with their own lives and that they wouldn't start another war.

And with that, it brings us back to the year 30129AD.  It has been 20129 years since the start of "ASDM" project and so far only 7 of the 6600 earths have been set free. The last to free themselves became free 10000 years ago. And it seems that the government doesn't want any more to become free because the problems they have caused. And because of this billions die every year without a chance to free themselves. The plan may not have been morally right in the first place and most involved don't think so ether but everyone feels there is no other way to preserve the human race. Humans have come to fear the past that they can't move on.
As well as all the deception by the government, they also put something in the water that blocks powers. They do this because it did not happen before the date 3000 and the fact they fear another "Double Threat" will be born. One problem is that those born with the healing power are immune to the power blocker and are killed when found out. Because their power can heal others to the point where their powers awaken.

Fear of history has caused the death of trillions of lives over the past 20000 years. But like the past, another hero will come and will lead the human race to peace. And maybe this time it will last.

[/spoiler]

I give up, he's just not listening.  If he thinks the only thing that needs explanation is the healing thing, which is probably the easiest to pull off, then I'm out.  I doubt you'll ever get this off the ground, zman, not with a mindset of "I understand it in my mind, that should be good enough".

Ok role i get what your saying...
(And for the sake of progress)
You are right and I am wrong... now what needs work??? (I know it all needs work but, what doesen't make sence and needs to be explained to understand the main plot in your mind!?!?!?!?!?!?)

If there is something wrong with it let me know guys.
I just thought this was a good outline for the plot. (for When it comes time to revel its self....)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also i changed some thing.
The part where the government fears war is their reason for what they do.

But the actualy fear humans becoming omnipotent and the damege some one with evil motives could dew to the universe.
Rember that the "Triple Threat" power can copy any and all powers.
The powers can control space and matter. Plus make someone live forever.

The Triple Threat Could be called the second to last step to Human eveloution.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And if some one also dosen't like this idea then tell me why.
I value your comments......

Edit: (WOW I sound like I have no hope... lolz)

We just told you, you can't make these crazy abilities and not explain them to the audience.  How they came to be, the general gist of how they work, etc.  If you just put them out there with no explanation, then it makes no sense.  Hell, even Gurren Lagaan explained it!  And it ran off of rule of cool!

Quote[spoiler]In the future, the universe will need heroes. The year is 30,129 AD, and the universe is in its most peaceful period ever. But the why then does this universe need heroes? It's because not everything is as it seems. In this age there is what you could call a "completely corrupt government". This government oversees around 39,600,000,000,000 human beings, but the people are unaware of this fact. And every 2 ½ years around 10 billion of them are killed. Now you may think to yourself, "that's not so bad considering how many people there are and over a period of 2 1/2 years, that sounds like a very low death rate to me". Well, what if I told you that those deaths every 2 ½ years happened all at once. That they were completely wiped out and were held captive their whole life. And what if I said that those 39,600,000,000,000 still think it's before the year 3000. But to understand how things could get this bad you would have to look back in time to the real year 2012.
The Mayans predicted that the world would end on December 21, 2012 at 11:56am. But nothing happened on that day. In fact, the biggest thing to happen that year was before that date. It was a "CME",

Also known as a "Coronal Mass Ejection" (EXPLAIN WHAT A "CME" IS).  Movies had said if one were to hit the earth dead, it would wipe out all life on earth, but that's not what happened. It had hit earth but nothing happened. It was a "CME" unlike any other because, It didn't even knock out any electricity anywhere on earth. But the earth was not left completely unchanged. Over many years humans slowly got stronger. In the year 2012, the maximum weight a human could lift due to muscle size and bone strength was 2000 pounds, but by the year 2950 human strength increased to lift over 2500 pounds. That was not the only change, over the years children were born with strange colored hair. Some kids would be born with pink or blue hair, but that would soon fade to a normal color. In the year 2999 on New Year's Eve there was an act of terrorism that changed the world forever. The terrorists exploded an experimental radiation bomb over Japan. But it was a failed attack and no one died. But people from Japan to Africa gained powers, ones that a normal person would call super powers. In a way this brought the world together and split it in two all at once.

The powers were many, and those with them started to think they were better than those without. One side of the planet was very strong and ready for war and the other was helpless. In 3012 someone on the powerless side came up with a power balance that would keep the world together.

They would take kids and young teens that were in accidents that had lost limbs and had other problems, and replace them with robotic limbs. These kids would be given training and they would become the army for the powerless side. War would have erupted, if not for one teen who had both -super powers and robotic arms. He became a hero to both sides, and with both sides able to stand up to each other, things settled down.

By the year 3116 every one had powers and the kids with robotic limbs had ether all died from old age or fighting. Also the powers had changed form, kids under the age of ten can't use powers. With this the number of violent young teens went down to almost zero. And the world now united under one nation, found peace. Jump to the year 3320, earth has now colonized two planets other than earth, and are planning to go to a third. In the year 3329, they travel to this third planet and find intelligent life there. They are surprised to find that the inhabitants aren't as far advanced as Earth, and are weaker than we were when we didn't have powers. The human government then tried to take control of their race to lead them. One by one more aliens where found, and each were less advance then hour own.

The year now 3475, we now have ships as fast and big as those captured by U.S. government in the 20s, and those seen by the public. All the ships they found were damaged beyond repair and had little salvaged from them. And with us now having searched almost the whole galaxy we began to wonder if we would ever find them. That's when something unexpected happened, deep in an unexplored part of the Milky Way on the other side of the galaxy we scanned an explosion. But this explosion was bigger than any super nova, and it came from a planet. After a year a human exploration group reached the location. What they found was destroyed planets and ships but no sign of life. It seems that the aliens that have visited us in the past had wiped themselves out in war.

By the year 4500 the powers of the human race had become more defined from each other. And their hair would turn a certain color depending on which power they possessed. And within the powers there were three groups. "Normal", which would have powers that changed the person's strength speed and reflexes, were the most common. Next, there were the "controllers." They could control matter, move water and wind, and make plants grow to their will. Lastly, there were the "creators" who could create and control. They could make fire, electricity, and energy. They were the rarest and most powerful.  There were many powers, and many more to come, but not much more changed with them from then on.

Now the year 5650, tension between aliens and humans had grown to the boiling point, and war is just around the corner. There are more aliens then humans, and they have the same technology at the starting date of the war of 5652. But in just 6 years almost all the aliens have been wiped out with very few causalities on the human side. And with this defeat human kind now ruled the galaxy.

By 5732 human kind had almost completely figured out the universe and how it worked. It would impossible to travel to another galaxy's in one's life time which meant that there wasn't anything left to explore, no discoveries, and nothing new to look forward to. The human race became restless and with their power and differences of opinion a war broke out.

The rich and powerful "creators" and "controllers" have always looked down on the "normals". And a man who would be called by the name "Double Threat" would lead the "normal" against the others for control. The sheer number of "normals" overwhelmed the opposing force and pushed the "creators" and "controllers" into hiding. This war would be called "the real war to end all wars" because it lasted from 5739 to 9427, and is the longest battle ever fought.

One thing that made it last so long was a new power discovered. It was the healing power, which the "Double Threat" used to make himself live forever. He and only he could do this because his power let him copy any persons power and then use it against him. But he could hold onto one power at a time. So when he wasn't fighting he would copy the power of one of the healers on his side. The way he got his name was his power caused his hair turn two colors at the same time, which had never happened before.

On the last day of the war and the last day of the "Double Threats" reign, a 16 year old boy stepped forward to fight him. This boy would be called the "crystal angel" because his hair looked like crystals. And he had a special power rivaled by no one. He had complete and utter control of all light in the universe. Most with power have control over a limited amount of matter and have a limited range. Within one minute the war was over. The boy used his power to kill every member of "Double Threat's" army and "Double Threat" all at once. But sadly, "Crystal Angel" died from the shock his power put on his brain.

Dew to the war, many planets were destroyed and the original earth was as un livable as the surface of the sun. The total population of humanity was around 600,000 and was battered and beaten. Hope for the human race was all but lost and humanity had all but wiped themselves out. They could rebuild and start over but the same thing would just happen again. But then someone found a solution while looking at the history of humanity. It seems that the down fall of the human race started on new year's 2999, because that's when the problems started. And looking back to the 20s they found some interesting science theories one of which is called the "Dyson Sphere". First they created 6600 "Dyson spheres" around 6600 stars. Next they used the resources from inhabitable planets and ones destroyed in the war to make an exact replica of earth at the year 1AD in each sphere, They then came up with a government that would look after humanity from behind the scenes. The system they place in the "Dyson sphere" is called an "Atomic Solar Dematerializing System" or "ASDM" for short.

The first system activated on New Year's 10000, and was populated with 500,000 people. They were given fake memories to play out their roles. This way history will repeat itself, but to make sure things go as planned, "life time actors" will act out people in people mentioned in history. Once the year reaches 3000 the "Dyson sphere" will activate and change it back to 1AD. But in the year 3000 there around 10,000,000,000 people and at the year 1 there are around 500,000, which means many people will die in the process.

But because the creators felt bad about the many deaths on their hands, they decided that if the population of a planet finds out what's going on without any outside help, they would be set free. And only if they could find this out would they be trusted with their own lives and that they wouldn't start another war.

And with that, it brings us back to the year 30129AD.  It has been 20129 years since the start of "ASDM" project and so far only 7 of the 6600 earths have been set free. The last to free themselves became free 10000 years ago. And it seems that the government doesn't want any more to become free because the problems they have caused. And because of this billions die every year without a chance to free themselves. The plan may not have been morally right in the first place and most involved don't think so ether but everyone feels there is no other way to preserve the human race. Humans have come to fear the past that they can't move on.
As well as all the deception by the government, they also put something in the water that blocks powers. They do this because it did not happen before the date 3000 and the fact they fear another "Double Threat" will be born. One problem is that those born with the healing power are immune to the power blocker and are killed when found out. Because their power can heal others to the point where their powers awaken.

Fear of history has caused the death of trillions of lives over the past 20000 years. But like the past, another hero will come and will lead the human race to peace. And maybe this time it will last.

[/spoiler]

Did you even read this??? this explains how the powers started, What made the first powers show up and times/ years when the powers changed into the form you will see in my story.

And if you read my above post I changed something to make the reason for the thing the government did more beleveable.
And they even have a war with the leader on the bad side as thir main reason...

You keep saying it needs to be explaqined so do you mean I need to explain which part of the DNA changed and what radition did it???
Do you realy want a chapter to be like you are reading a text book in school??

work with me here!

I somehow think that Role is asking about how the powers work, not how they came into existence. For example, do they use RNA to help guide the individual cells into correction/improvement, or might they look at the cells that the target's brain detects as normal or abnormal? Explaining their origin is nice, but it does not really work well in terms of their usage.

I said that DNA changed durring ones life time leaves a scar that the healing can use to fix that DNA and change it back to how it is suppose to be. people are born with the powers and they now tie into the process of growing up.
Also ageing is because your cells degrade every time they split (DNA changes) dew to injury and radition.
Also if some one were to alter your DNA the power could fix it.

Now powers in general.

The powers are the result of the human brain evolving/mutating over time. A natrual process.

the strangth power involves the user to use his power to control his body to make him self more powerful/ stronger and able it resist damege better.

those that control other things also use their mind.

And note that a well renound college proved that the human mind can effect it suroundings.
And was ablt to effect the out come of a computer program. random number gererator.
they tested it 100 times and every test the number the person thought of while in front of the computer was the one that appered the most each time.

of corse how this happend they don't know yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------

My point is most people in my story can't use their power while sleeping.
they need to focus to use it.

Mind over matter.

type 1 can control them selfs
type 2 can control a spicfic typr type of matter
type 3 can turn almost any matter in to some thing they can control and use it they same way as type 2

Then there is the powers that don't fall into any type.
Double Threat, Triple Threat, power stop, Mind read, and mind control. which I might make type 4?
"Controling others"

So in short all powers are is the human mind controling matter useing the power of their mind.
How they do this I don't know, mostly because this has some factor in real life.

So should I make up some energy that exests in all matter that they control, but then this becomes star wars.
I have been reaserching and have come up empty.

Quote from: zman9000 on 14, April, 2011, 08:33:14 PM
I said that DNA changed durring ones life time leaves a scar that the healing can use to fix that DNA and change it back to how it is suppose to be. people are born with the powers and they now tie into the process of growing up.
Also ageing is because your cells degrade every time they split (DNA changes) dew to injury and radition.
Also if some one were to alter your DNA the power could fix it.

DNA changing does not leave a scar. It is just a string of nucleotides that hold the blueprints for creating cells and proteins. Regeneration instead is the cells themselves restoring due to instructions within the DNA itself that programmed the cells to "revert" so to speak to a previous state should there be any abnormalities. It doesn't work the way you are stating. Also, this would require material to regenerate as well, since the body has to compensate for the regrowth, so instantaneous regeneration doesn't work.

The powers resulting from evolution of the human brain is feasible, so no arguments there. But stating "A well renowned college proved the human mind can affect its surroundings," which is that? Link please.

And type ones controlling themselves... explain.

Type twos... why would it only be one type of matter? If you can control rocks, you can control metal as you are manipulating many elements in one piece of rock. This is what I'm assuming you mean. If you mean like the elements in Fantasy, that's something else entirely, and goes more into energy manipulation.

So type threes are alchemists? Where do they get the energy they use to transmutate the matter? All changes in matter require energy, and vast amounts of it. This would need to be further explained as well. Also, since this is Sci-fi, no magic for you.

And saying you came up empty is no excuse. There are plenty of explanations you could use, you just aren't thinking hard enough.

Geez, you need to research. At this rate, I might just write a sci-fi novel just to show you.

Quote from: Salanewt on 14, April, 2011, 05:09:51 PM
I somehow think that Role is asking about how the powers work, not how they came into existence. For example, do they use RNA to help guide the individual cells into correction/improvement, or might they look at the cells that the target's brain detects as normal or abnormal? Explaining their origin is nice, but it does not really work well in terms of their usage.

A little bit of that, and the fact that what I'm arguing for, and what zman seems to be arguing against, is that you have to explain it to the reader/viewer when the situation comes up.  You can't just throw in an ability and assume that the audience will accept it, when it happens, have a character go "What the hell was that" or "how is this possible" and just spin a bit of believable technobable so they get the gist of what it is.

What Zman keeps saying is that he doesn't need to explain it.  I'm saying that even Gurren Lagaan explained that it's the 'strength of willpower' that powered the spiral energy of its world.  And Gurren Lagaan operated not by physics, but by rule of cool.  So no matter how much magic exists, you have to do away with the "It's magic, I ain't gotta explain @#$%" mentality.  You see, in your world, magic IS real, and has rules it must follow - you can't just do whatever with it.  Same with hyper-advanced science - it has to follow some kind of rules in your universe.  If it doesn't, you risk contradicting yourself.

Yes there ways to explain it and I can think of at least 20 ways to do so...

But then I would be completely ripping off 20 other manga, anime, movies, and shows with similar ideas.

Example 1: their powers comes from another dimention interacting with our own which the human mind can control.
ripping off "To Aru Majutsu No Index" (anime)
Example 2: Some particle that exists in all matter which the mind can control.
ripping off "Star Wars" (movie)
Example 3: The human mind can control magnetic forces in matter dew to the electro-magnetic energy in the brain.
Ripping off "Fire Fly" (tv show)

Need I go on...

I am trying to come up with an idea that dosen't make it seem like my story came from some one else. (AND IT DIDN'T!)

the scar is just a thought point.

We now know that dark matter is a type of matter that only interacts with normal matter through Gravity.
Dark matter over laps matter and stuff (thats what i heard)
I don't know I am just shooting ideas out...

Umm how about an energy that can only be interacted with intelegent life and this energy exesists in all matter and with out the universe would fall appart.
Controling it alows you to conerol matter.
But the human brain is not fully evolved and is only in it fourth stage of evolution and a person can only control matter with a certain charaistic to it.
And again the reason the government created the dyson sphears was to not only preserve the human race but to also keep them from becoming all powerful and destroying the universe. This fear because of the past war with the double threat caused it.
now 20000 years later and the government is croupt and .........


Ok i am now going to stop listening to role or I am going to have to scrap the whole story and make this a love story about a guy and a girl who suddenly moved to japan...... cause thats all i have so far..... that hasn't been put down with out any advice.

I know i need to think through this but if ANYONE has any ideas how to make this make sence to role and the others PLEASE TELL ME!

It might be hard for me to make Role understand, as I hardly understand what you are trying to say myself. I have an idea that might work for explaining the power though; certain people can use their minds to create and/or manipulate special particles, but they can only be manipulated before they decay. This pretty much explains that:

1. Special powers exist in the world.
2. Certain people have the ability to use them.
3. They can not be used endlessly or without limitations.

For a bit more of an explanation, these particles are like living cells that already exist, but the mind activates them and drains them of their life; killing the cells and rendering them useless. Viral cells and Bacteria might work better for this, and might also help develop your healing powers a bit more without having to create new organisms that are specific to the plot.

If only certain people are able to use them, you could probably cry "mutation" or something. New chromosomal anomalies in certain fetal developments are causing this? A new radiation causes these anomalies? It should not be caused by radioactive or nuclear energies, but instead be solely biological.

Of course, the way your story runs is your choice in the end. It really depends on what you want, but you have to flesh out some things a bit more than you have been; details are key to success.

Good luck!

I don't see why it's so important to explain how their powers work in such detail, if it doesn't add to the story you're just boring the audience with excessive detail.  The goal is to entertain and tell a story, not write a scientific thesis on fictional powers in a fictional world.  "It's an alternate universe where people can focus their mind/willpower/chi/spirit to perform feats that would normally be considered impossible"  has worked perfectly fine for many successful stories.

Atrius u rock!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(And now for something random and weird by a tired and frustrated zman9000 a.k.a Michael)

but any way I beleve I am moveing to fast and pushing to hard to get all the details done...

I also have to say that that dream is not exactly how this idea started... (And since i am imbarised about how it really started i will give you guys a short version)

around the time when i was ten I descovered Dragonball Z. And I have said before I think about every thing more then a normal person should.
some things happend...

And I liked the idea of super powers. and it didn't help when I some how got to the second floor of my house past my parrents who were standing in the door, And the fact that I thought I tellaported. (Unless I climbed up there while sleep walking lol)

And for about 5 years... I had day dreams about differen't possibilitys for things. (I no longer need a ipod or music player because any song i have ever heard i can play back at any volume in my head and tune the would out.) my mind at that time was better then tv...
And at the same time my school grades went from c's to A+'s.

Then I had an accdent and my memory sucks. (and no this is not the accdent that my brother poked my eye out with a pennsyl.)

Then in january this year I had a dream that was the whole history of the story I have posted.

But I didn't start writhing right away.
The dream got me more into Anime and then two anime's got me thinking and this is where we are now.

Yeah so There is the story, if the story (the anime story) seems weird well now you know how it started...

And also somethings in the story will be taken from my life.
Jenna is some one ... I liked when i was 12 (not her real name)

The idea for the Triple Threat comes from the party where the persons hair color matches their power.

And the fact that I was born with three differen't colors in my hair Brown, red, and blond... the blond is almost all gone now and is all brown.

And the personailty's of all the main characters and school kids are differen't parts of my personality.

So basicly my life story, and you may think this is all uneeded and just plain weird.
But I don't care... and I don't care what you think of me, I just wan't to make a good story, thats all.

Also I haven't been asleep in about 60 some houres so............

Quote from: Atrius on 15, April, 2011, 03:49:08 PM
I don't see why it's so important to explain how their powers work in such detail, if it doesn't add to the story you're just boring the audience with excessive detail.  The goal is to entertain and tell a story, not write a scientific thesis on fictional powers in a fictional world.  "It's an alternate universe where people can focus their mind/willpower/chi/spirit to perform feats that would normally be considered impossible"  has worked perfectly fine for many successful stories.

This. The only time you should really be explaining anything is if the powers are changing for some reason.

Quote from: Atrius on 15, April, 2011, 03:49:08 PM
I don't see why it's so important to explain how their powers work in such detail, if it doesn't add to the story you're just boring the audience with excessive detail.  The goal is to entertain and tell a story, not write a scientific thesis on fictional powers in a fictional world.  "It's an alternate universe where people can focus their mind/willpower/chi/spirit to perform feats that would normally be considered impossible"  has worked perfectly fine for many successful stories.

It DOESN'T need to be in detail, and it doesn't need to be to us!

I'm saying that he needs to explain them as they come up in the story itself.  NOT to us - but to his audience.  The way he was saying things, it sounded like he didn't think that needed to be done.

God, I swear I get misunderstood by everyone every time I say this...

Actually, that's not completely true, if you have static (as in unchanging) powers, its generally better to not explain why they have them unless it's central to some later point in the plot. Like, nobody cares why, for example, Garet has mars powers (except for those theorists), even though Vale typically has Venus adepts. It's just there. He uses them to go along. Whatever.

However, if it's central to a later point, its important to explain it - in my own comic, a character named Joshua is a genetic mutant who has psychic powers and has both human and raven traits. However, because of this he has a weak body and dies at a young age due to organ failure. (lol sorry if I spoil't anything for anyone). It's also a good idea to explain extremely powerful characters, but don't go deeper than you really need to.

So, as long as his powers serve to protect him and are static, or their presence isn't going to be central to later events, explaining powers can actually bog down a story's progress.

Quote from: Charon the Ferryman on 15, April, 2011, 10:04:22 PM
Actually, that's not completely true, if you have static (as in unchanging) powers, its generally better to not explain why they have them unless it's central to some later point in the plot. Like, nobody cares why, for example, Garet has mars powers (except for those theorists), even though Vale typically has Venus adepts. It's just there. He uses them to go along. Whatever.

However, if it's central to a later point, its important to explain it - in my own comic, a character named Joshua is a genetic mutant who has psychic powers and has both human and raven traits. However, because of this he has a weak body and dies at a young age due to organ failure. (lol sorry if I spoil't anything for anyone). It's also a good idea to explain extremely powerful characters, but don't go deeper than you really need to.

So, as long as his powers serve to protect him and are static, or their presence isn't going to be central to later events, explaining powers can actually bog down a story's progress.

Charon, if you're going to counter, use an example that makes sense.  Vale has BOTH Mars and Venus adepts, if Garet's a freak, then so is Jenna and her mom.

Yeah, but there's like... no one else. If you watch the examples of psynergy that aren't the regular adepts, the majority of it is Venus psynergy. Their families could easily have just been a line mars adepts that traveled to the land a few generations before.

My point is that if you don't need to explain something, then don't. If Joe has psychic powers, you don't need to explain why Joe has them, unless the reason why he has them plays a role later, like if he's a mutant and he has to kill his creator later or something. But if Joe is doing something completely unrelated to that, like using his psychic powers to overthrow the government, then the audience doesn't really care.

Charon, it's fairly established that Vale is Mars and Venus.  You say nobody else, but... that's HALF THE CAST from Vale.  Felix, Isaac, and Kyle are the only known Venus adepts from there, you know.

My point is that you have to explain it to some extent - a character doesn't understand what something is/how it works, so another gives the general gist in layman's terms.  It's done by damn near everything, even Kraden explains Psynergy and Alchemy in TBS.

whatever >_>

Yeah, that's true in some instances, but you don't actually need it. Although, most times there are backstories, its not a good idea to go into crazy detail. Like, with the movie Spiderman. Yeah, we know he got bit by a genetically altered spider. But do we care how that actually fuctioned? NO. We just want to know why he was the way he was. If they explained how he got those powers through the actual science and genetics, you'd bore 99% of the audience.

General gist =/= crazy detail.

Could you PLEASE read my posts?  No, seriously, it'd help a lot if people actually read them, I stated it very bluntly this time that all that's needed is when some new tech/magic thing is introduced that you can't expect the readers to instantly know what it is, you need to explain the gist of what it is.  After that, it's expected knowledge and no more detail needs to be explained.

Come on you two, please stop fighting. In the end, a minimal amount of detail with clarity is advised. In my opinion, zman only needs to briefly explain a small fraction of why to help us understand a bit more of what he is introducing. New powers are a good, understandable addition, but zman tiered the powers in a way that a minimal amount of detail might be appreciated if it is not needed.

Still, Atrius is correct in his statement. Not much detail is not important, and would be extremely boring if excessive. I guess in the end, the amount of detail will help shape the audience that zman earns.

Geez, what's with this?  I didn't even try to derail the thread.  Just a "the way you're saying things, it sounds like you're assuming the audience will get everything.  Don't forget that some things need quick explanations so the audience gets it", and it just went WAY off from there!  I don't even know anymore... I try to give advice, and it turns into an argument war... T-T

Basically you and Sala said the same thing without saying the same thing.  Small amounts of explaining that just give the readers an idea of what's going on and don't derive from the plot or entertainment.

Honestly, you're all arguing for no reason.  -sighs-

there will need to be some explanation at some point just not at first.

If this story had a slogan it would be: Conspiracies are Real

The story will have the main powers, magic, robots, and will explore differen't conspiracies we know of.
but for most of the story it will revolve around the main powers... which don't have a name to refer to them as....

If you come up with a name for the powers post them here.

And Role I have been taking everything you have said seriously.
And I have to admit that the way you say things can be of great insight and help at times.
Because of you I have slowed this whole thing down and am putting more work into it.
so thanks.

I'm not saying you weren't.

Come on, guys, I'm actually NOT ATTACKING ZMAN HERE.  Just a few pointers so that if this comes to fruition that it'd probably help to keep in mind.

The only reason I commented on it was because they started discussing how the powers should be able to affect matter on a molecular level.

Anyway, the "government" that watches over the civilizations inside the Dyson Spheres could probably use some more thought.  Is made up from a civilization of humans living outside the spheres, or some kind of AI humanity set up to watch over them before enclosing themselves inside?  Also, 6600 of them, that seems a bit much doesn't it?  I mean the total human population in the universe was supposedly not even enough to populate 2.  The whole concept of humanity enclosing themselves in these spheres only really works if they're desperately trying to avoid extinction to the point that it doesn't matter any more that they're isolating themselves from the rest of the universe.  Not to mention that if there is a civilization of humans outside the spheres that's survived and grown for 20000 years you would expect there to be factions questioning the decision enough to try to undo it.  You could argue that the majority view it just as a way to preserve their species, but what of the escapees from the other spheres?

@Atrius: I know what your saying and I am working on that.
the problems:
for an ai to control it there really wouldn't be a plot then.
1. there would be no escape.
2. IF there WAS an escape set up, those who have escaped would try to free the rest.
3. anain there would be no plot because there would not be anything to fight.
4. a croupt ai would work execpt for some of the other important details like ( Human civilation had advanced so far they couldn't advance any more...) a roge ai is not a problem.

next the reason it SO DANG FAR into the future is because of some simple math and the fact that in the story I want some room to at and change sutff.

EDIT: now that i look back the math is very complacated!!!

'Warning' this is a very long explation and answer to Atrius's post.
[spoiler]ok so the entire earth's population aftre the war was around 300,000,000.
Now add the about 500 years they took to build the first few Spheres. the pop. now about 500,000,000.
Next this is up for debate as I have no clue the pop. durring the year 1AD so i will say around 5,000,000 to be safe.
Now lets say 100,000,000 stays out to build more then we have (400 million / 5 million = 80 )
So for the forst 3000 years of the project we have 80 spheres.
At the end of that 3000 years we have 10,000,000,000 people in each.  ut insted of killing them all just make more spheres.
so (10 billion / 5 million * 80 = 160000) We have a possible 160 thousand spheres.

But then how many stars have enuff matter around them to make a solar system.
many stars are just stars. but you can't just pull matter out of thin air.
you would just have to take the matter and energy from another star.
also note that in the war many solar systems and stars were destroyed.

also aliens arn't dead, we nearly wiped them out and foved them to a few distant planets...
and add in the power need to recreat an whole solar system you would to drain stars of all their energy many times over.

In the end, taking all the matter and energy in the milky way you get 6600 dyson spheres, 200 human government populated planets, and about 150 alien populated planets.( and the orignal earth inside a black hole in a time warped pocket of space dew to war.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The poeple out side are trained as actors and soliders.
actors for a live time job as an important person in history.
and soliders to keep the aliens in line, protect the spheres, and keep the freed earths in line.
With only one word to tell you what is right and wrong with no dissagreements, the people out side don't expaned, and only live as humble (zoo keepers) in the nature prserve that is the milky way

The human race is close to total control of every thing and if set free under the wrong person could destroy them self's and all other life in the universe.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

If this sounds crazy then think of it another way.
story of Halo
[spoiler]
In the game Halo which does have a story to it, tells of a race in love with live it's self.
and they wanted to protect all life.
but then a threat in a form of new live threatened all live in the universe.
To save live else where in the universe they made a device that would destroy all live in their galaxy.
then they turned it on and all live died.
then who knows how long later live had startde over and if not for a race of extreamests all life in the universe would have been fine forever.[/spoiler]
------------------------------------------------------------------------

now the reason i have it spisificly have the number 6600 ( - the 7 that escaped) is becaise they didn't start every sphere at the same time, they started one up every year.

This was mainly done so that when the hero's leave their earth and go to try and free others. it will be in different times.

ether the past or the future, once i finnish the main first part this will open up alot more possibilitys for the story.
For some i will have to study history and others I will make up (after some research).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This story will have goasts, robots, magic, the past, present, the future, and conspiracy theories from all different points it history.

But for now I am just working on the first part of the story. The main characters finding their powers and the truth.[/spoiler]
And if you read through all that and under stood it, then you get a cookie.

And as long as this story seems I do have an ending planned.

Update:
almost finnished first draft of powers chart.
names for non-main characters decided.
done second draft for first chapter (may change)

Final Update: finally have a rough draft for this story and thanks to the comments and advice I think I can change the story enough that its not too extreme as has been pointed out... a lot.

the story will be dialed back a bit. removing that whole space captive thing. the basis for the start will be the same, alien girl crash lands, guy finds her. hides her. common anime story line. from there it will slowly take a turn to more of a battle story with more and more people getting powers over the world.

Keeping names for characters for now. some minor editing will be done to existing story. moving from us to japan will be removed, will be set in japan, just moving from a city to smaller town.

Also thanks to Role, Atrius, Kain, and charon for letting me know what you thought, even if it was kinda negative. it helped, and after A LOT of time thinking about it, I can see why you thought that way. still unsure on who i should write out the story in a manor that will be interesting to read. but I will work that out once i have the whole plot filled out.


Final note: I will be also starting another story as more of practis writing. that one will take comments on the writing style.
And with this, I request to have this topic locked for now, at least until I feel I'm ready to start on this story again.

THANKS!