Another GS fanfic

[Kai Hong]

 Well, I don't usually do fanfics, but I had this idea last night while looking at the forums. You know the way you can look over Gaia Falls in The Lost Age, and there's holes in the mist revealing patches of what looks like land (or water)? I expanded on this, and thought, what if there are other floating worlds like Weyard? What if there was a whole cluster of flat worlds, with continents and oceans? And so I conjured up an idea for an adventure based in this cluster:

'The Golden Sun is now ancient history. Civilisation is now neo-futuristic, with the Company's flying ships providing all transport between a huge network of worlds. An empire, one might say, with Weyard, the core of Alchemy and Psynergy at the peak. But that makes Weyard all the more dangerous.
When the United Cluster of Alchemy-blessed Worlds is rocked by a series of terrorist attacks, Keith and his classmates are stranded on Osenia. He and his friends Jovver and Zera must solve the mystery behind the attacks and stop the group behind them, before the source of Alchemy, Mt. Aleph, is lost forever.'

So far, I have 6 protagonists, and I'm trying to break tradition, with uneven numbers of Adepts of each element, so here they are:
[Mild spoilers]

[spoiler]
Keith
A bored schoolboy who wants something more from life than school and videogames. His wish is granted when he and his class become the would-be victims of a bomb planted on their ship during their class trip to Vale City. He doesn't have any Psynergy at the start of the story.

Jovver
One of Keith's friends, who is also caught in the disaster. He is an optimistic person, but he resents that he isn't an Adept. He doesn't have any Psynergy at the start either.

Zera
A girl who joins Keith and Jovver's class the very day of the school trip. She moved to their world to avoid being treated specially, which she is back in her own world, since she's the Princess and Gem of the Sky Islands, a small world of islands whose ocean has drained away, leaving them connected by a web of rock and earth. She's a Jupiter Adept who specialises in electric attack and utility Psynergy.

Larrik
The captain and pilot of the above characters' class' ship. He is large, loud, honest and optimistic, even when bringing a burning ship down to crash-land in the middle of a forest. He wants to be promoted to the high ranks of the Company, and jumps at the chance to be in charge in the aftermath of the crash. He's a Mars Adept, and a little bit careless with his Psynergy, unless he's on his precious ship.

Karina (Rina for short)
A member of the Mercury Clan, she's forced to travel with the goup by her clan leader/adoptive father when he sees that they don't have a Mercury Adept already. She's reluctant, but ends up fulfilling her own quest. She's a Mercury Adept who uses ice-forged weapons to fight.

Pearl
A werewolf originally from the world of Byfir who was driven out and rescued by the people of Garoh. A group of witch-hunters try to slaughter the whole village, but the protagonists stop them and she decides to follow the village's saviours and join them in their quest. She's another Jupiter Adept who specialises in telepathic and prediction Psynergy.
[/spoiler]

EDIT: Just finished Prologue

[spoiler]
The two men smashed a fairly large hole in the wall. The smaller, code-named Snarl, peered through and grinned.
"We've found it, Growl!" he whispered excitedly to his partner, "It's a chamber full of Psynergy Stones!"
"What are you whispering for?" muttered the large, heavy-set man, "We're the only sentient life for miles, and we're in the heart of the Sunken Mountain."
"There might be Djinn hanging about. They're sentient."
"They're just like monsters, just a bit smarter. Easily dealt
with."
"One could have an empathic bond with a Vale Adept, and then we'd be stuffed. An attack force is not what we need right now."
"Whatever. Just grab your precious gems and let's leg it." Snarl clambered through the opening and took the sack from Growl.
He worked quickly, smashing the Psynergy Stones off the wall and stuffing the reasonably-sized fragments into the sack. But not quick enough, apparently.
"Hurry up in there!" hissed Growl.
"Just a minute. Come check this out."
"The hole's too small!"
"Well, make it bigger, then!" Snarl rolled his eyes. Growl smashed his way through into the cavern.
"What? What is so important?"
"Look at that Psynergy Stone."
"Which one? Where?" Growl peered at the spot he was indicating.
"There, that one that looks just like...your stupid gullible face!" Snarl stabbed a sharp fragment of a Psynergy Stone straight into the nick of Growl's back. The large man roared in pain and collapsed.
"You were annoying me. Consider our deal off." Snarl strode out of the cavern and back up the passageway, not once glancing back.
[/spoiler]

So what do you think? Please read and comment.

[MaxiPower]

love it!!!

[Kai Hong]

 Chapter 1 is finished!


Chapter One: The girl from Paragon street
Keith gazed out of the window. From his bedroom window, he had a view of two other worlds, three on a clear day. From this classroom window, he could see at least seven, including Weyard, the jewel of the United Cluster of Alchemy-blessed Worlds. Anyone important lived there: the politicians, the scholars, the Adept sages...
"Keith? Are you enjoying your little nap?" asked Class 6C's teacher, Nardrac. Keith snapped out of his reverie and looked up at him.
"Yes, Sir, it's quite refreshing." The class laughed, and Nardric smiled.
"Well, maybe you can dream something useful, like the history of the United Cluster?"
"Sorry, Sir."
"All right, as I was saying, we're going on a class trip to Weyard tomorrow. Can anybody tell me why?" Jovver, one of Keith's friends, put his hand up.
"Shouldn't we be asking you that, Sir?"
"Very funny. We're going because Weyard is the root of all Alchemy and Psynergy. You'll understand it more if you see the Golden Sun up close." The class broke out in excited chatting.
"We're actually going to see the Golden Sun?"
"Wow!"
"Will it make us Adepts?" Nardric held up a hand for silence.
"Just gazing upon the Golden Sun does not bestow Psynergy. There have been ordinary people who have been turned into Adepts, but the exact method has been kept quiet. Also, what did you think we were going to Weyard for? A shopping trip?"
"To see vampires in Garoh!" shouted someone
"Don't be stupid, that's werewolves. Besides, they wouldn't put us in danger like that." replied someone else, "I thought we were going to see the Elemental Rocks and Lighthouses, not the Golden Sun itself."
"We wouldn't have the time to see all of those in one day!"
"Calm down, everyone. I'm going to hand out permission slips now, make sure one of your parents or guardians sign them, or make a really good forged signature." Nardric handed them out to everyone in the room.
"Who's the spare one for?"
"A new student who was supposed to join us today. I got a message this morning to tell me that she was helping to unpack in their new house, so I'll drop this off at her house later. Anyway, on with the studying! Let's recap our knowledge. What is the Company?"
"It's the corporation in charge of the flying ships that provide transport between the worlds."
"Good, but that's not all they do. What is their other function?"
"They also do research into combining Alchemy and technology."
"That's right. Examples of which are...?"
"The airships!"
"The Elemental Blasters, which duplicate attack Psynergy!"
"The robot Adepts, who serve in the military!"
"The airships!"
"That was already mentioned!"
"Oh!" Then there was silence. Nobody could think of any more.
"Come on, I told you all about one more. What powers all technology, even the ordinary stuff?"
"The Alchemy-conversion power cells!"
"Yes! Now, only the first and last examples are available to the general public. Why is that?"
"Because the others are liable to be misused." replied Keith.
"Correct. But why do we have a militia?"
"Because all of the worlds are somewhat infested by monsters who are drawn to Alchemy residue in the air. Before the Golden Sun, when Alchemy was completely sealed away, you could only find monsters in nine places: Mt. Aleph, the Lighthouses, and the Rocks. Now, however, Alchemy flows free throughout the worlds, and the monsters are spread everywhere. Other than human settlements, however. They only attack settlements when Alchemy residue builds up to huge amounts in the settlements."
"And that's also why Adepts are attacked by monsters more than other people. Well done! Now, we-" The teacher was cut off by the ring of a mobile phone. "Whose is that?"
"I think it's yours, Sir." grinned Jovver
"Oops. Hello? ...Yes, this is him. What's wrong? ...I'm on my way now." He ended the call. "Where's Gladys, the substitute?"
"She's off sick, Sir."
"Right...well, pack your bags and you can go home an hour early. But be quiet until you're out of the building, other classes are still in progress." They all jumped out of their seats.
"What about that new student's permission slip?" asked somebody.
"Oh, right. Does any one live on Paragon Street?"
"Oh, is that where she lives?" remarked Keith, "I saw the moving vans there yesterday, it's not far from my place."
"Could you drop this off for me? A family emergency's come up."
"Yeah, no problem."
"Thanks. I'll just put in an envelope. All right, all of you who are going, be at the Flight Docks gates at 8am sharp tomorrow, unless I send you a message saying otherwise. Got it?"

"How neat would it be if there was some kind of accident and we ended up becoming Adepts?" asked Jovver, slinging his bag over his shoulder as he walked through the gates.
"Well, it wouldn't be neat if there was an accident, would it?" replied Keith, "I dunno, being an Adept sounds dangerous. Remember? They're attacked more by monsters."
"Killjoy. But don't forget, Adepts can defend themselves better. They can wield the elements like swords!"
"That's true."
"If you could be an Adept, what element would you want to be?"
"Probably earth. They can use basic telekinesis."
"Boring! I'd rather be a fire Adept and be able to set things alight with my mind."
"You want to be an arsonist?"
"Don't yank my chain! But...what could that method of turning people into Adepts be? Is it reversible? What do you think?"
"I think we just walked past your house."
"Oh, right! Well, see you tomorrow! You are coming tomorrow, aren't you?"
"You would kill me if I didn't."
"See you there, then!" Jovver dashed back to his house.
Keith shook his head and continued on to Paragon Street. He found the house that had recently been for sale easily, as there was a girl with light purple hair taking the sign down. "Hi." The girl looked up.
"Do I know you?" she frowned.
"No, but if your name is..." He checked the envelope. "...Zera?"
"That would be me, yes."
"Okay, well, I'm in your new class at school. Our teacher had a family emergency, so he let us out early, but we're going to Weyard tomorrow-"
"Did you say Weyard?" Zera's eyes widened.
"Yeah, we're going to see the Golden Sun. We all got permission slips, but since you weren't there, I came over to drop yours off." He handed her the envelope
"Oh, I see. Thank you."
"Are you posh or something? Why're you speaking like that?"
"I do not believe I understand you."
"There, you did it again! You said 'do not' instead of 'don't' and you didn't need to put in 'believe I' at all! Are you royalty or something?"
"Please do n-don't mock me about my speech."
"I won't, but you should probably abbreviate a bit more if you don't want to be picked on. Just a hint."
"Thank you."
" 'Thanks.' " corrected Keith.
"Thanks." She smiled. "Until tomorrow, then?"
"You don't want a hand with that?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Okay. See you."
"See you."


Feedback is much appreciated, i.e. How are the plot, writing, characters, etc.?