Golden Sun - the Saturn Conspirator

[Rolina]

Okay, so I'm finally getting off my butt and working on this.  It's not a full job yet, but I think I've got the gist of what I want to do.  First post will just be links to the story posts for when this gets too long with too many comments.  Just one click and bam, you're at the post you're looking for.  They can't really be called chapters, though, since they probably won't be chapter length (and will likely vary in length as well).  As such, I'll take a page from manga and call them something else for no reason at all! \o/

Gust 0.0 - Text for books and stuff as I come up with it
Gust 0.1 - Setup and Profiles
Gust 0.2 - Prologue
Gust 1.0 - Outset

[Rolina]

Gust 0.0 - Text for books and stuff as I come up with it.

This is basically where I'm jotting down ideas for flavor text that comes when scanning bookcases and stuff.  Yeah, I know it's not part of the story.  Deal with it.  Also, they're not perfect, and I'm open to suggestions for revision.  If you've got suggestions, PM me or something.  Even something as simple as changing the wording to make something clearer would be appreciated.


A History - The Gods' Three Generals

Early in Melbis' history, when the nation was still ruled by its first king, the fledgling country found itself under siege by the neighboring country of Liam.  With little resources and a meager army, things looked grim, and it appeared as though the capital city would soon be captured.  As the forces of Liam began to approach the city, a sudden storm struck, and the invading army, unprepared for such weather, found themselves stuck.  The three remaining generals, Fuujin, Raijin, and Suijin, saw the opportunity.  "This storm was surely sent by the gods!" they proclaimed.  "Let us use this to drive back our foes!"  They led the Melbis army into battle, routing what should have been an overwhelming force, and with the momentum from that fight, eventually drove back the Liam army entirely.  The three generals were awarded the highest of honors for their valor, and since then their names have been granted as the titles for the top three Melbis Generals.


A Text on Storms

From early on in Melbis' history, storms have been seen as divine blessings for the nation.  They come often, bringing much needed rain to nourish the land, and as such the soil in the country is rich and fertile.  The strong winds test and punish buildings, and the improved resistance and durability of the buildings people built to withstand them doubled to add a layer of protection from both monsters and invasion.  The lightning that strikes serves as inspiration to the people - it's light beautiful to the eye, the bolt swift and powerful, and the strong thunder proud and boastful.  The three working in harmony helped Melbis become the great nation it is today, and the people thank the gods for their continued presence.


Elemental Basics

There are four elements in this world from which everything is comprised.  Venus, which governs earth and plants.  Mars, which governs heat and flames.  Jupiter, which governs wind and lightning.  And Mercury, which governs water and ice.  These four elements move and shape the world, and create the very essence of life itself.  Those who can wield the elements are called "Adepts".


Fundamental Basics

In addition to the four elements, there are also two fundaments - Sol, which embodies the essence of Light, and Luna, which embodies the essence of Darkness.  Unlike the elements, things are not 'made' of the fundaments.  Rather, the fundaments help to shape and give form to the elements.  For example, the luna would give Jupiter the form of bolts, while Sol might cause it to appear in an astral form instead.  If the fundaments are balanced or not present, it would appear as wind.  As such, though they do not have the same apparent impact as the elements, they are still very much an important aspect of the world.  Even adepts have affinities with the fundaments to a degree.  Though an adept could technically use any form of their element, the form most commonly associated with their fundament will come most naturally to them.


A History - Fundamental Adepts

In general, it is seen as taboo for adepts to seek to wield the fundaments themselves - and one need only look at history to see why.  While an elemental adept's element is passed down though family, the line of a fundamental adept ends after only a few generations, with their offspring gradually reverting back to using their elements.  As such, in order to have the ability to control the fundaments, one must have it artificially imbued into them.  There are significant problems with this, however.  The processes by which they are attained cause large scale disasters.  In the past, events such as the 'Mourning Moon' and 'Grave Eclipse', events which killed great numbers of people, were thought to have been caused by these processes.

[Rolina]

Gust 0.1 - Setup and Profiles

Alchemy...

The power to manipulate the building
blocks of reality. It is a power that
runs through the very veins of this
world, the very life force of the world
itself, this world we call Weyard. This
power flows in all beings, granting
them various powers and abilities, the
most prevalent of which is a power
called 'psynergy'. However, this was
not always the case.

Legends tell that long ago this power
was sealed away. The abuse of the
very power that granted the world life
had been turned into a tool though
which the world was being killed.  To
prevent this, the sages of the time
sealed away alchemy.  Though this
meant cutting the world off from its
own life force, it was believed that one
day, after the knowledge of how to
abuse the elements had long been
forgotten, it would be restored by the
people.

Indeed, another legend tells of a group
of travelers whom still had the fading
power alchemy flowing through them.
Learning of the plight of the world, they
went on a journey, lighting four beacons
with the very essence of alchemy itself -
the four elemental stars.  

And thus, the world's lifeforce returned,
and the world began to heal itself.  Now,
nearly a thousand years later, there are
those who no longer remember the lessons
behind these legends, and those who seek
the power described in them...

[Aile~♥]

Nice! Keep going, okay? Pleeeeeeease? IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN!!! Sooo, please continue. Or else. (Just kidding! Please don't be mad.)

:FallenKraden: : What? What's going on here?

 : I don't get it either.

 : You two are both dense.

 I'm not dense, am I, Isaac?

 : >[Yes]< [No]

 : Don't be so mean, Isaac!

 : You know, you should really learn to stop leaving these things up to Isaac.

Typhoon: Really, Garet. You should know better by now.

[Rolina]

Gust 0.2 - Prologue


"Whoa!"

Lightning flashed on the horizon.  The rain fell steadily as the sound of the thunder rushed by.  Under a tree, taking shelter, were a group of preteen children huddled around two women.  One wore an ornate set of purple garments - Jeanne, the Fuujin Knight of Melbis.  The other was one of the trainees under her command, a young woman named Kari.  Jeanne looked to the kid who had been startled by the flash.  "Is something the matter?"

"Ah... it's just... That kinda startled me."

"I see.  Well, lightning does have that affect, doesn't it?"

Another kid spoke up - "But why did a storm have to come now?  We almost caught that boar..."

"Well, storms aren't a bad thing.  In fact, you could easily say that they're a blessing."

"A blessing?"

"Yes.  Isn't that right, Kari?"

"Ah... yes..." Kari was a bit nervous.  The general was enjoying a bit of leave time by teaching some of the younger folk to hunt.  It's something she often did, as she believed that helping the young in this way would contribute to their growth.  She usually took one of the cadets along - and this time, Kari was the one chosen to accompany her. "The storms are said to be a gift from the gods..."

"A gift?  I don't get it..."

Jeanne followed up.  "Well, storms help to nourish the land.  With all the rain, the land becomes healthy and lots of plants grow.  Some of those plants are our crops, and some are food for the wildlife.  Without the storms, we'd have nothing to eat."

One of the younger children spoke up.  "But... aren't they a bit scary?"

"Some are - though this is a smaller one.  Remember though, the same things that can make a storm scary can inspire us.  Some people want to be strong like the lightning, and some fast like the wind.  There are many things in storms that you can draw from as well.  Right, Kari?"

Again, she was put on the spot.  "Well... yeah... We should probably be more like storms."

To this, the children laughed - not her expected response.  A few of the children even cried out in jest - "Yes, we should be big and scary!" "I'll grow up to pour water EVERYWHERE!"  "Lightning will shoot from my hands!"

Even Jeanne chuckled.  "My, you lifted everyone's spirits quite well now."  Not long afterwards, the rain stopped.  Though the results of the hunt were a bit disappointing, in the end it looked as though everyone had a good time, though Kari's nerves continued to be tested.  They arrived back in town and escorted the children back to their homes.  As they went to return to the barracks, Jeanne turned to Kari.  "So, is something bothering you?"

"Ah... no... it's..."

"Ah, nervous because the great and mighty General Jeanne chose to go hunting with you, eh?"  Kari nodded.  "Relax, don't worry about it too much.  Today I'm just another off-duty soldier, like you."  Even with that, Kari could barely say much of anything.  She'd not been in the army very long, only for a couple years.  She had done quite well, but suddenly being asked to accompany not just any general, but one of THE generals made her so worried she'd blow it that she'd nearly become a nervous wreck.  Jeanne was apparently used to this happening, so she recognized it quite quickly.  "I'll tell you what - why don't we just visit around town some?  Besides - you should start getting used to be around ranking offers.  If you're always this nervous, you may not get another promotion in rank..."

"Wait... what?  Another...?"

"Oh, silly me, I guess I let it slip.  I don't just choose trainees for these excursions at random you see - I look out for those with talent.  I've been told you've got what it takes... Lieutenant."

"L-Lieutenant?!  Me?"

"Yes...  And if you keep up the good work, I could see you being a Captain before long.  But we've got to work out these nerves of yours a bit first, hm?  From what I've heard about you, this nervousness isn't very much like you at all... I heard you even helped train some of the cadets who were lagging behind back in the academy."

"But... isn't this too soon?"

"For most, yes.  But there's many people who have what it takes to rise through the ranks quickly, and you're one of those people.  Your type tends to also be quite unsure about being put in such a position as early as you are."

"But... surely there's those whom would actually seek this position..."

"Ah, but those who seek power are rarely the type that should actually obtain it.  For them, they'll have to earn it just as you have - and to do that, they need to learn to be less selfish.  You joined to help people, did you not?"

"W-well, yes..."

"And you didn't help your fellow soldiers to aim for promotion, but rather out of the good nature of your heart, right?"

"Well... yeah... but how can you tell those who are just trying to get ahead apart?"

"You're aware of Jupiter's ability to read minds, right?"

"Well... yes... I actually have that ability as well... But--"

"You don't use it, right?"

"Well, it'd be invasion of privacy, right?"

"It could be... but it also helps to catch spies, as well as to scout good officers.  Others have to learn selflessness before they can progress up the ladder, since soldiers are expected to have this trait in Melbis.  It's only natural that we have mindreaders in our employ... and ones who can do it without being caught as well."

"So--"

"So you need to relax a bit, and get used to not just interacting with other officers, but giving orders as well.  If you're uneasy about the position, the soldiers under your command may question your judgement.  Now where's that can-do attitude I heard about?"

Kari's nervousness seemed to be fading... She was to be a ranking officer?  She's only been a soldier for a couple years... She'd heard of others getting promoted quickly, but never imagined she'd be one of them... she was starting to feel excited.  "Very well... So what should we do?"

"Well, that's up to you.  I'll let you lead for a bit.  Go out, meet some people in town.  When you think you're ready to call it a day, just head back here."

Kari nodded, now trying to hold back her enthusiasm.  All of this was starting to sink in... she still didn't know if she'd be the right woman for the job, but at the same time she couldn't wait to start in this new position of command.  The time she spent going around town seemed to go by so quickly... so much was going through her mind.  Before she knew it, it was evening.  She head back to the barracks, said her goodbyes to the general, and went to bed.

Her sleep didn't last long. 



The barracks were rocked by an explosion.  Startled, Kari lurched out of bed and grabbed the nearest weapon - a mere training sword, but that explosion was close - she wouldn't have time to gear up properly.  She hastily threw on some makeshift armor and headed out.

She didn't make it far.  The way ahead was blocked by debris.  Searching around, she discovered a way out of the area.  It was then that she got a good view of what was going on - it wasn't just some accident.  Melbis was under attack... but... how?  Jeanne had said they'd be able to catch spies... they also had ways of detecting people teleporting in - it should be impossible for any force to actually succeed thanks to the barriers.  How did the enemy get so close?  "Guards... where are the guards?"  It only took a quick glace to see - they'd been killed before they even knew someone was there.

She found her way down to the ground level, past the debris.  Some of the soldiers were panicking, and there's no way she could fight whoever was attacking on her own.  "You, get whatever gear you can and get out there!"

"What?  No!  We have to wait for orders!  You're no officer!"

She didn't have time for this. "You can either wait for orders and die like a dog, or you can do your job as a soldier and protect the people!  Melbis needs us, orders or not!"

Save for the one that spoke out, the soldiers quickly grabbed what they could and headed out.  The one who spoke hesitated for a bit, but then did the same.  Kari joined the soldiers and headed out.  She wasn't quite prepared for what she saw.  Up until now, Melbis was in a state of piece.  Their neighbors were friendly, and they didn't appear to have any real foes.  None of the soldiers here, not even her, had seen real combat, they'd only done training drills.  The Melbis Army's main job had been to help people during disasters and to fend off the occasional monster.  But this... the sight of a battlefield with freshly spilled blood... nobody in Melbis could have been prepared for this.  Some of the soldiers got squeemish, but did their best to move on.  She found herself getting angry - some of the bodies belonged the civilians.  She had to calm down -  rage clouds the mind after all.  She was a soldier right now - anger and outrage would have to wait for later.  Her group came across a couple groups of invading soldiers.  She didn't recognize their uniforms at all.  Together they dispatched the groups - the soldiers were surprisingly weak for what she was expecting.  Either they had won earlier on surprise, or the elite troops had already been through here.  Though she hoped it was the former, she knew it was more likely the latter.

They made their way through town, trying to find anyone.  As they found survivors, they directed them to areas they knew to be well protected.  She wanted to protect them with escorts, but her group was simply too small to allow that.  They had to find where the rest of their army was.  They had to regroup, but as they continued, the situation began to become clear - the army was in a state of disarray, they were scattered everywhere.  They continued to push forward, gathering soldiers where they could, Kari acting as the makeshift leader...  And stumbled upon a scene of battle.  Or rather, the remnants of one.

One of the privates, his voice shaking, spoke what everyone was thinking.  "These... are the Thunder Troops...  aren't they?"

These were some of the best of Melbis' troops, led by the Raijin General himself.  They had their swords drawn, too... they weren't ambushed, they were overwhelmed.  But... by who?  Who could possibly have...  "Sir Richard..."  The other soldiers turned and looked where her gaze was directed.  The Raijin General was among the bodies.  He was even clad in his distinctive yellow armor.  What could have done this?  They stared in disbelief, a few soldiers shaking.  But they had to steel their resolve.  At this point, if they tried to flee, they'd likely be killed, if not by the enemy, then for deserting.  Kari grit her teeth.  "...We..."  She shook her head.  She couldn't hesitate like this. She looked at one of the men - she didn't know him, but he had the insignia of a corporal on him. "Corporal, take some men and head back to where we sent the civilians.  Protect them at all costs."

"With all do respect ma'am, I don't think I take or-"

"Lieutenant.  With all do respect, Lieutenant."  Jeanne came up near them.  She was injured, but still forced herself to move on.  "A soldier follows the orders of their commanding officers, Corporal, and Lieutenant Kari here outranks you."  The man, taken aback a bit, nodded, got some of his soldiers, and headed off to protect the civilians.  "Good call, Kari.  Right now, the people come first."

"General, what intel do you have?  Do we have any orders?"

"I'm just in the dark as you.  We don't know who they are or how they got in - they'd not have been able to teleport, and a large group like this... even if we missed a spy, something like this isn't possible, not an army this large.  I met with Sir Craig, and he told me to come reinforce Sir Richard while Craig went to protect the royal family... but we were attacked along the way.  I've never seen anything like it...  Our psynergy... they used our own psynergy against us..."

She'd met the Suijin General... "What do you mean?  And where are the rest of your troops?"

"I... I'm not sure my self... as for my troops... You're looking at her."

"...None... left?"

"Kari... fall back.  Go with the others, protect the people."

"But..."

"The city is lost."

"What about you?"

"I'll try and find anyone alive and have them go to you.  I... I'm in no condition to fight right now unfortunately...  Where should I send them?"

"We've had them go to the inn on the southern side of town."

"Understood.  You have your orders, Lieutenant.  Move out."

"Yes Ma'am."

"And Lieutenant...  Don't die.  That's an order."

She didn't want to leave her General behind, but she had no choice - orders were orders, and protecting the people came first.  Her troop made its way south, joining up with the corporal she'd send earlier.  She briefed him on the situation... it hit them hard.  She and the other soldiers began to stand guard, staying vigilant to make sure a proper perimeter was held around the inn, with the occasional civilian showing up.  Suddenly, a bright light shot up from the middle of the castle - the next thing they new, it was morning.



"Lieutenant, are you okay?"

"What... what happened?"

Kari opened her eyes.  It was morning, the sky was clear.  She felt a pain in her arm and struggled to get up.

"Lieutenant... the castle... it... it's gone."

"What do you mean, gone?"

"It's... just a crater."

She spun around, her body screaming at her in pain for doing so... and sure enough, it was true.  They'd been knocked out by the shockwave from the blast.. had they not been at the edge of town...!!! "General Jeanne!  Have you heard from General Jeanne?!"

"No ma'am.  I've already sent some scouts out to find any survivors... I only now just found you.  Ma'am... do you know who attacked us?  Who did this to us?"

She grit her teeth in frustration.  "No... The general didn't know who it was either."  She met up with the other soldiers and tried to figure out what was going on.  After about an hour, a group of soldiers came back with the General propped up on their shoulders.  Her leg had a piece of debris though it, and they were helping her to the location. "Ma'am!"  Kari rushed over to the general.

"I-I'll be fine.  I'll get a healer to help fix this... but... Even with the healing, I think I'll be down for quite some time..."  She didn't waste any more time.  "Kari, you said you can use Mind Read, did you not?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Listen closely - we don't know anything about the enemy who attacked us... and their target was something within the castle basement it seems... the king... Richard... Craig... they're gone, and I'm in no condition, nor position, to pursue.  Whatever they used to get in here, most used to leave as well before the blast... not all of them got away, though.  I've gotten reports that some of them have left to the west before the blast occurred.  I need you to pursue them - but do not confront them.  We need to know who they are.  What specifically they were after.  We need intel."

"I... I understand.  Then I shall take some men and---"

"No.  The men are needed here.  We can't afford to leave the city any more vulnerable than it already is, and we don't have time to find another person who can use Mind Read.  Head to Haleth to the west, meet with the garrison there, and gather any intel you can."

"Yes ma'am."  She nodded regretfully, and began to leave.  She didn't want to.  All of her being wanted to stay and help, but she had her orders.  On her way out, she was stopped by the Corporal.

"Lieutenant... I apologize for my disrespect yesterday."

"That's fine... I had only just found out I was to be promoted myself."

"Still... I hope you find out who did this.  The king... our comrades... everyone...  I hope they are brought to justice."

"Aye..."

"Here, take these.  It may not be much, but they should protect you much better than that makeshift gear you have on now..."

He handed her a set of purple armor and a longsword, as well as a whirlwind charm.  The armor was standard issue for light infantry under the command of the Fuujin Knight.  She accepted it, equipped it, and then made her way out.

She didn't know what to think.  She couldn't think.  There was too much to think about.  Then, not far out of the city, it hit her all at once.  She wobbled over to the nearest tree, vomited, then began to try and hold back the tears.  She had to keep going, she had orders to follow... but she couldn't help but cry.

[Rolina]

Heh, thanks... I wasn't happy with Eric's segment, so I do plan on working on it a bit later.  I'll mark when I fix it up.  Of course, in the GS doujin game I make, I'll slightly re-work the djinn sequence to allow to skip it.  But the dialogue I intend to keep interesting, rather than being a simple tutorial, I plan to make it an interesting conversation.  Same is gonna be true with Branch when I do Sai's story.  Of course, they'll have different personalities.  In fact, there's gonna be several djinn that have an active part in the story, the snarky Typhoon, the honorable Branch, and the trigger-happy Cluster to name a few.

[twocows]

The introduction was reasonably well done, though I must admit I'm a bit impatient and would have preferred some action in it. Regardless, it explained Kari's character and situation well enough.

I felt like we didn't see enough of the state of the town. Admittedly, Kari was in a bit of a rush, so she probably wouldn't be standing around looking at what's going on. Even so, I think at least a little more time should have been spent demonstrating the true extent of the devastation. Not enough to bore us, though.

Eric seemed to be introduced too quickly. He goes from not existing to party member in a few paragraphs and some dialogue. This is probably fine if you're going to tell more about him shortly, but right now he feels expendable.

Kari's decision to go with Eric didn't feel genuine, it felt like the writer just needed to have the two characters in the same party. If I was in her position, the last thing I'd want to do is leave the town's protection to a bunch of wounded/old/young people, especially given the state it's in.

The djinn sequence is great if your target audience is people who have never played a Golden Sun game. It's funny and explains how things work in a way that doesn't feel forced. On the other hand, if that isn't your target audience (which I assume it isn't), it just feels unnecessary.

I'm looking forward to the next entry; it's good, gimme more!

[Aile~♥]

The Djinn explanation is there because it's the beginning of a Golden Sun game, and Kari has never seen a Djinni before! So that has to happen. I have to say, I think Typhoon should stay as an important character, as it would be a first for Golden Sun, and he's just that funny. Most priceless moment in any GS fanfic: "OI! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?". That was epic. Another thing that was funny was the time Typhoon calls Eric "watery" and he questions that, and Typhoon says "Shut up and let me explain!". I have to say, the section with Typhoon was my favourite part, because unlike Eric, he actually has personality. Which I happen to quite admire. The sequence where Eric joins, like twocows said, should probably be redone. So far, Eric hasn't really shown any real personality. That might want to be changed sometime in the story, as it might not be practical to have personality show up immediately.

P.S. Someone should start a topic for random character skits. That way I would have somewhere to put that sort of Garet-bashing nonsense. (Kraden deserves bashing too!)

[Daddy Poi's Oily Gorillas]

Kraden is too old to be bashed! Might give him a heart-attack. Nice idea however! Maybe thaat'll teach him to fight in battles..... =D

[Rolina]

Bash Kraden at your own risk, boya.  I won't inflict punishment upon you, but you will have the wrath of an entire temple to deal with.  I hear those Kradenettes can be vicious when angered...

[Rolina]

Post Removed

[Rolina]

Posts updated, and now that I'm motivated to be less lazy, I shall start working on it again.

[Rolina]

Heads up - I'll probably be bringing this back, but in totally new form.  Since Alex is already back, this won't work as an "Alex's return plot" type, so instead I'm going to work on something else... it'll have the same basis, but I'm probably going to fuse a bit of plot from the Fang of Saturn in with this, and drop the final character count down from 8 to 4.  The final team will be just Kari, Eric, Ila, and Aiden.  Again, this will double as the alpha version of the story, but there will be some key changes.

Most apparent:  Alex ain't the bad guy.  Alex was probably dealt with long ago in series canon.  This will deal with something else, most likely a person utilizing the so-called Saturn.
Second:  Kari's no longer a lead general, but merely a recruit who idolizes one of the Generals.  Said general will be the only surviving of the Knights of Three Gods, and will send Kari out to gather intel.
Third:  Kari will be alone setting off, joined by Eric in the next town rather than off the bat.
Fourth:  The character builds will probably be a more recent approach, as discussed with leaf.

Other than that, there's not much else off the top of my head that'll be changed.  Expect a new intro and stuff in a week or so... I hope.

[Rolina]

Wow, that week took three months.  Plus, Eric's been dumped as a character - I'm asking TNS to come up with one, so that it's 2 of my characters and 2 of his.  Eric... well, I'll be blunt, screamed generic.  Now normally I'm all for generics, but this ain't an SRPG, it's a traditional RPG, and generics are bad for main cast.  Also kinda wish that major edit option was there, I'm not liking this quad-post.  Ah well, I'll be editing the story into it anyways...