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My Fire Emblem Fanfic

Started by Hoopa, 06, March, 2010, 11:03:05 PM

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Hoopa

This is a fanfic I wrote for Fire Emblem the Blazing sword.

Summary: Mark, the tactician, makes a fatal error during the final battle against the fire dragon, and as a result, all of his allies die leaving him as the sole survivor. A year passes and he returns to the Dragon's Gate to visit his friends' memorial when he is granted the chance to redo his journey by St. Elimine and the Guardians of Light. He accepts and is sent back in time to begin the journey anew. However, the Dark Forces have become stronger and many things are not as they seem...


If anyone want's to read it, it's hosted on fanfiction.net at this url: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5196798/1/The_Fallen_Tactician


Changing story.
"You seek the truth but are you able to handle it? What you find may not be what you expected... and it may ruin you in the end. Knowing that, will you continue onwards in your journey? Or will you give up and return to a life of apathy? The choice is yours..."

MaxiPower

Quote from: whizkidhvq on 06, March, 2010, 11:03:05 PM
This is a fanfic I wrote for Fire Emblem the Blazing sword.

Summary: Mark, the tactician, makes a fatal error during the final battle against the fire dragon, and as a result, all of his allies die leaving him as the sole survivor. A year passes and he returns to the Dragon's Gate to visit his friends' memorial when he is granted the chance to redo his journey by St. Elimine and the Guardians of Light. He accepts and is sent back in time to begin the journey anew. However, the Dark Forces have become stronger and many things are not as they seem...


If anyone want's to read it, it's hosted on fanfiction.net at this url: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5196798/1/The_Fallen_Tactician

Sounds very, (like the plot) intresting, i,ll be sure to read it tomarrow... bit late now :)

Insularity

#2
Obligatory-

Garm is the Sacred Twin black axe of Grado. Garm is S-Ranked, meaning a unit must have an S-Rank in axes to use it. Due to the fact that a unit can only one S-Rank, a, say, a Warrior must choose between S-Ranking Bows or S-Ranking Axes. However, I slightly lied. Lyon can S-Rank both Dark Magic and Staves. In Fire Emblem 6: Fuuin no Tsurugi, a unit can S-Rank all possible weapons it can use. Therefore, a FE6 unit, to be specific, a FE6 Paladin, the best of which is Zealot, could use Garm, Audhulma, and Vidofnir. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. A FE6 unit could not use Fire Emblem 8: The Sacred Stones weapons. However, it can use FE6 weapons. Therefore, it can use the Armads, Durandal, and Malte. However, it can not use all three at once, unless the game has been significantly altered and the Paladin has three arms. But that's slightly off-topic, I digress. We are talking about FE8 because we are on the FE8 board. The possible wielders of Garm are, in order of appearance, Gilliam, Franz, Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Forde, Amelia, Duessel, Gerik, Dozla, Caellach, and Fado. Quite a large portion of FE8's cast can use Garm. However, many of these units can only use axes post-promotion, therefore increasing the difficulty of getting them an S-Rank in axes. It can be done easier, however, if you use the Devil Axe. The Devil Axe gives 8 times as much axe weapon experience as most other axes or most other weapons. However, the Devil Axe is very heavy and very innaccurate. Also, it can backfire and do damage to the user equal to the damage it would've done to the opponent. The Devil Axe is risky but it has a good potential benefit for the user. Garm gives a +5 bonus to Speed. This is good because many of the potential Garm wielders could benefit from the boost. In appearance of order, I mean order of appearance, they are Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Duessel, Dozla, Caellach and Fado. None of them have good Speed. The stereotypical axe user often lacks Speed. A notable exception to this is Dart from Fire Emblem 7: Rekka no Ken. Dart has an impressive Speed stat, so giving Dart the Garm axe would increase his Speed to make it quite high. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. Please punish me in a kinky way. Back to what I was saying. Dart cannot use Garm, despite the fact that the only weapon type he can use, let alone S-Rank, is axes. Why, you ask? Garm does nto, I mean, not, exist in FE7. However, Basilikos does. Basilikos could be considered an inferior version of Garm. I'm sorry, but I am digressing from the point I am trying to make. Please reprimand me if I do this again. Garm is acquired upon completing Eirika's Chapter 15: Scorched Sand or Ephraim's Chapter 14: Father and Son. Interestingly, the son does not appear during the Chapter. I'm sorry, i, I mean I, slightly lied again. The son, Lyon, appears in conversation scenes before and after the main conflict in Father and Son. However, I am slightly digressing. Upon completion of said Chapter(s), Garm, along with Gleipnir, are added to the main character's inventory. However, something interesting happens when the main character's inventory is full. I am sorry, what happens isn't very interesting. Something truly interesting does happen when the main character's inventory and the Supply convoy is full. In the first instance, you will have to send two of the main character's items to Supply, and you will have to discard two of the main character's items in the latter circumstance. This creates the interesting paradox where the sacred relics of Grado can be simply discarded. This is interesting because such powerful items, two of the eight used to defeat the feared Demon King, are merely thrown away.I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. Only seven of those items can be used against the Demon King. Latona, the Holy Staff of Rausten, cannot be used against the Demon King because it is a staff that heals all of your units except the one who uses it. However, it has little strategic use because getting one of your units to S-Rank Staves is worthless. I'm sorry, I digressed yet again. Please discipline me, Master.




Now, I really like the concept, and I've only read the first chapter, but it's not very well executed. The most obvious is the varying tenses.

Compare:
Quote from: present tenseAthos seems to accept his fate however
Quote from: past tenseMark and his friends' journey was close to an end

Some sentences could be rewritten to make little sense, for example:
QuoteAthos was the first to recover from the shock of the dragons and to try and do something to stop them.
Could be improved by saying:
QuoteAthos was the first to recover from the shock of the dragons' appearance, and immediately attempted to stop them.

Some are grammatically incorrect:
QuoteAt that moment. Bramimond then appears and with Ninian.
Could be replaced by:
QuoteAt that moment, Brammimond appeared with Ninian.

Some are just fugly:
QuoteSurprisingly, she was able to use her ice dragon powers which she kills two of the dragons and severely weakens the last one.

And some I would like some more evaluation, like the concept of the time portal.

Other than this, it seems quite good. The plot is quite original, and I'll probably end up reading the rest... eventually.

Awesome sig thanks to Akiko of the ToK!


Quote from: Hellfire Soul, the Temple of KradenAsians are cool. They deal with tons of stereotypes and don't afraid of anything. Alternatively, they're awesome because, well, just look at the Temple. There's four types of people here- Asian, Awesome, Asian AND awesome, or Necare.

The subcategory "Kickass" applies to the first three categories
Quote from: Cipher Phoenix, Golden SunriseBanned for being the opposite of sularity (whatever that means). xD

Hoopa

I'm glad that you like it.  :happy:

Thanks for pointing those out. I know some parts aren't as well executed, but I'm learning. As for the present and past tense thing... I dunno. I guess I must have missed that. I'm pretty sure I got better in some of the later chapters though.

What do you mean by more evaluation? Do you mean in the story?
"You seek the truth but are you able to handle it? What you find may not be what you expected... and it may ruin you in the end. Knowing that, will you continue onwards in your journey? Or will you give up and return to a life of apathy? The choice is yours..."

Insularity

Quote from: whizkidhvq on 07, March, 2010, 01:59:29 AM
What do you mean by more evaluation? Do you mean in the story?

No, not really. I mean, like, why would they create the time portal? How? What did it look like?

Awesome sig thanks to Akiko of the ToK!


Quote from: Hellfire Soul, the Temple of KradenAsians are cool. They deal with tons of stereotypes and don't afraid of anything. Alternatively, they're awesome because, well, just look at the Temple. There's four types of people here- Asian, Awesome, Asian AND awesome, or Necare.

The subcategory "Kickass" applies to the first three categories
Quote from: Cipher Phoenix, Golden SunriseBanned for being the opposite of sularity (whatever that means). xD

Hoopa

Oh, ok. The time portal was created to send Mark back in time in order to fix his mistake. It was a giant, swirling vortex with purple lightning sparking out everywhere. The guardians wanted to be flashy, so they decided to make a time portal instead of just sending back in time.
"You seek the truth but are you able to handle it? What you find may not be what you expected... and it may ruin you in the end. Knowing that, will you continue onwards in your journey? Or will you give up and return to a life of apathy? The choice is yours..."

Hoopa

I've been polishing up my writing skills, and I plan to rewrite this story. Here's a part I have done, please tell me what you think.


Chapter 2: Redux

Underneath a starlit sky, the tactician and the lady from the plains meet once more. This time, what shall become of them? Will they succeed in their journey once more? Or will they succumb to the ominous winds now blowing towards them...?

The first thing Mark realized when he awoke was that he was lying on a soft bed. The second was that it was dark save for the few torches keeping the room he was in lit.
"Where am I...? Wait...this place is familiar..."
Mark rubbed his eyes and examined his surroundings. There were a few boxes by the wall that probably held the belongings of whoever lived here. There was also a small window in the wall, but it was too dark to see anything. Looking around the room, there wasn't anything really out of the ordinary. Eventually, Mark's eyes were drawn to a small portrait sitting hanging on the wall. Curious, he got out of the bed and took a closer look.
A Lycian lady stood next to a Sacaen tribesman and they smiled at each other as if they didn't care what happened as long as they had each other. However, Mark wasn't really paying attention to them, but rather to the young girl that was standing between them. Her long green hair was blown by the wind, and she was laughing as if she knew exactly what her parents were doing behind her.
"Lyn... if only those bandits had never come, you would have lived such a happy life..."
Mark sighed and realized that he had unconsciously picked up the portrait. Hanging it back on the wall, he left the room. He found himself in the central room of the hut where the cooking utensils were, along with various herbs in cabinets against the walls.
"...This is Lyn's house. So... have I truly returned? Is she still...?"
Outside, he could hear someone humming a soft melody.
"That song...! Can it really be...!?"
He walked out of the room and saw her. Under the starlit sky she stood there, casually humming and cooking in front of an open flame.
"You seek the truth but are you able to handle it? What you find may not be what you expected... and it may ruin you in the end. Knowing that, will you continue onwards in your journey? Or will you give up and return to a life of apathy? The choice is yours..."

Hoopa

Would anyone be interested in editing/reviewing my story?
"You seek the truth but are you able to handle it? What you find may not be what you expected... and it may ruin you in the end. Knowing that, will you continue onwards in your journey? Or will you give up and return to a life of apathy? The choice is yours..."

Hoopa

Anyway, started writing again, but like I said it's a different story. Can be accessed from here:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6452362/1/bScattered_b_bMemories_b
"You seek the truth but are you able to handle it? What you find may not be what you expected... and it may ruin you in the end. Knowing that, will you continue onwards in your journey? Or will you give up and return to a life of apathy? The choice is yours..."